Constant Vigilance
by ThatOneAnimagus
Summary: It's the Marauders' fourth year at Hogwarts, and it's unpredictable, to say the least. There's a Dark Lord on the loose, an auror as their teacher, and plenty of pranks for everyone. On hiatus. (Will be continued/updated in the next few months)
1. To Hogwarts

The scarlet steam engine billowed steam that was thick and gray enough to be mistaken for a storm cloud. From somewhere beneath the steam, a sharp, piercing whistle was heard, and the Hogwarts Express thundered out of Platform 9¾, leaving waving witches and wizards behind.

The witches and wizards who had not been left behind were settling themselves comfortably inside the train. They seated themselves inside their compartments, relaxing as they sunk into the mud-colored cushions, talking with friends.

The last compartment of the train was no different.

This compartment was the Marauders' compartment. It had been for the past six train rides to and from Hogwarts; this year was no different.

The compartment contained four boys, all of whom were talking excitedly, waving their hands around as they spoke.

One of the boys had messy black haired and wore round-rimmed spectacles. He was the most excited of the bunch.

Next to him was another black haired boy. His hair was less messy and he didn't have glasses, but had that been the case, he could have been mistaken as the other's twin. He also was waving his hands around as he spoke amiably.

In the far corners were two other boys; they were much more calm about being back on the Hogwarts Express.

One of the two had just rolled his eyes at what the bespectacled boy had said. He was caramel haired and looked slightly amused, despite the fact that he proceeded to lightly scold the other boy.

The last boy in the compartment was slightly wider than the other three. He was struggling to push his trunk into the hold above.

"Well," the bespectacled boy said happily, "It's fourth year!"

"We know, James. You've only told us that ten times," the other dark haired boy snorted.

"It was only twice before, actually," James said.

"Yeah, sure," the boy grinned.

"Oh, come on, you know I only mentioned it twice."

"Well, mate-"

"Remus, Peter, back me up!" He turned to the other two boys.

"You've mentioned it three times now," the caramel haired boy corrected.

"Aha!" James said triumphantly. "You can't argue with Remus!"

"You were still wrong," the dark haired boy said smugly.

"But I was more right than you!"

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No-"

"He was closer, Sirius," Remus said.

"Let me have my fun, will you?" Sirius said. "Someone please tell Remus that I should have my fun."

"You should probably let him have his fun," the fourth boy said.

"Thank you, Peter. Unlike these two, you have good judgement."

"You're lecturing us about good judgment?" Remus asked.

"Of course, I'm the responsible one-"

"Yes, we all know that," James said jokingly.

"Well, I'm more responsible than you two, at any rate."

"Really? I thought that was Remus' job."

"Mate, you organized a movement to get a teacher fired-"

"You helped too-"

"and Remus decided it would be a good idea to let ashwinders loose in an office-"

"That _was_ a good idea."

"-and my point is, if I'm not the responsible one, it's Peter."

"Peter decided it would be a good idea to fill the Great Hall with sprinkles," James pointed out. "You unleashed Silly String on us all."

"That's a responsible thing to do."

"No, it's not," Remus sighed.

"I didn't hear you object to it-"

The argument was interrupted by the call of, "Anything off the trolley, dears?"

James leapt up and hurried to open the compartment door.

Meanwhile, Peter pulled back down the trunk he had struggled to get in the hold. He turned it on its side as James closed the compartment door, now holding a few brightly colored boxes with the label '_Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.' _

"I'll dare first," Sirius declared as James dumped one of the packages onto the trunk. "Remus, try the green one."

Remus popped a pale green bean into his mouth. "Broccoli. James, try the red one."

James grabbed a red bean in the center of the cluster. "Peppermint. Sirius, the one on the edge."

Sirius screwed up his face. "Liver."

"You know what liver tastes like?" Peter asked.

"Of course I do, my mum loves it. Peter, take that one there."

The game lasted until they ran out of beans, after which they resumed talking.

"Bets about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Sirius said.

"How do you know that Melior left?" James asked.

"It was in the Prophet a few weeks into summer," Remus said grimly.

"My parents haven't let me within a ten foot radius of it," James said.

"With good reason," Sirius muttered quietly.

"What do you mean?" James said.

"Remember at the end of last year, with the Minister and the Mark and whatnot?"

"Of course I do-"

"Well, the Mark was claimed."

"It was?"

"Some group called Death Eaters and their leader- he calls himself Lord Voldemort."

"He revealed himself after another murder," Remus said.

"Let me guess," James said darkly. "He killed Melior."

"He killed Melior's brother or something like that," Remus said in the same tone. "The next day when Voldemort claimed the murder, he also spoke out against Dumbledore. Melior didn't want to get involved with Dumbledore after that. He wanted to keep his nose clean. A few weeks after Voldemort revealed himself, the Prophet suddenly stopped reporting on it. There's been no word on him since."

"So now we're up a psycho murderer and down a D.A.D.A teacher," Sirius summed up.

"Well," James said awkwardly, "I'm betting we won't get another Umbridge, and probably not another Melior... Hopefully a decent teacher…. Hey, maybe Dumbledore will teach us!"

"I doubt that," Remus said, "but that would be very interesting-"

"Interesting?" Sirius said. "Mate, he'd give us lemon pops or whatever those candies he likes are-"

"Lemon drops," Peter corrected.

"Same thing."

The train ride continued without any major problems until it pulled into Hogsmeade's station. Robes donned, the boys hurried off the train, headed for the carriages that would take them up to Hogwarts castle.

They were deep in a conversation about the ways they could use dungbombs when the redhead Lily Evans passed them.

"Oi, Evans!" James called. "Have a good summer?"

Lily turned and gave him a sharp look. "The best part was you not being there."

Sirius and Remus both attempted to surprise chuckles, Sirius failing miserably. He laughed loudly, causing James to turn and glare at him.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" James said.

"I'm on the winning side," Sirius said. "Nice to see you, by the way, Evans."

"Stay on his side, Black," Lily told him. Then she turned to Remus. "I hope that you had a good summer," she said.

"Yeah, it was good. Yours?" Remus said.

"Really nice- I'll tell you about it later, I told Sev I'd catch up with him…." With that, Lily headed off.

James started at Remus open mouthed. "How'd you do that?"

"I just talked to her," Remus shrugged. "Come on, we've got to get a carriage."

The carriages still looked rickety and smelled of must.

"These things are going to break at some point," Sirius said as he clambered into one.

"Hopefully not while we're in it," James said.

Once all four boys had taken seats, the carriage gave a jerk, then pulled forward as though by invisible steeds.

They peered out the window, looking towards the star-filled sky for the spires of Hogwarts. It took a minute before the castle could be seen.

The castle rose above the surrounding terrain, windows glowing with a golden, welcoming light. Towers reached toward the sky as though they could actually touch- for all anyone knew, they did touch.

"Welcome home, mates," Sirius grinned.

At long last the carriages pulled to the gate before the castle and came to a slow halt.

Peter was the first out of the carriage, followed by Sirius, Remus, then James.

They were ushered into the Great Hall by Filch, the caretaker, who scowled at them, cursing under his breath.

"He hasn't changed," James noted.

"He's always been a ray of sunshine," Sirius nodded.

"Yes, for sure," Remus said.

As though it had been a day and not months since they had last sat at the Gryffindor table, they took their seats, waiting for the Sorting.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, looking toward the staff table. "Look at him!"

James, Remus, and Peter turned.

"Ouch," James said. "Wonder what happened to him?"

The man was scarred horribly, with a chunk of his nose missing. Below the table, he appeared to have what looked like a wooden leg. The most startling thing about his appearance, however, was his eyes. One was small and beady. The other was large and a bright blue, whirring about in its socket.

"I don't know…."

The man took a swig of something from a flask he held in his hand, then turned to say something to Dumbledore, who nodded agreeably.

"He'll be Defense Against the Dark Arts," Remus said.

At this point, a hush had gone over the hall.

Through the large oaken doors at the front of the room was a line of small first year students. They filed in nervously, glancing around and taking in the details of the hall.

One first year pointed to the floating candles in awe. The other first year next to him whispered something back with a smirk.

Leading the first years and carrying the Sorting Hat was McGonagall. She had her hair pulled back in a tight bun beneath her emerald hat, which matched her robes.

As she passed, Sirius winked at her, as was custom.

McGonagall gave him an almost inaudible sigh rather than a wink. At the front of the hall, she placed the Hat upon a three legged stool.

Waiting quietly, the school started at it.

Without further ado, the Sorting Hat opened its brim like a mouth and began to sing.

_Hundreds of years past_

_I was newly sewn,_

_Made for the purpose of putting you_

_Where you ought to go._

_Should you go with Gryffindor,_

_Where the brave and bold are prized?_

_To Ravenclaw,_

_Home of the witty and the wise?_

_Perhaps Slytherin would be the place for you,_

_With ambitions foretold?_

_Or Hufflepuff,_

_Where loyalty is valued tenfold?_

_In four houses I shall split you,_

_As I have been made to do,_

_So whether you join cunning Slytherin,_

_Knowing Ravenclaw,_

_Daring Gryffindor,_

_Or hardworking Hufflepuff, _

_Know that you've been placed well_

_By me, the Sorting Hat._

There was a chorus of applause, which was quieted quickly by McGonagall, who gave a sharp look about the hall. "Alcott, Kennithe," she said once it was silent.

A pale, sickly girl made her way to the stool.

McGonagall placed the Hat atop her head….

"_RAVENCLAW_!" the Hat called.

Cheering erupted from the Ravenclaw table on the far side of the hall.

"Astine, Louis."

"_RAVENCLAW!_"

"Berkeley, Jennifer."

"_GRYFFINDOR!_"

This time it was the Gryffindor table that erupted with cheers.

"Donner, Harvey."

"_HUFFLEPUFF_!"

"Imig, Jonathan."

"_RAVENCLAW_!"

"There's a lot of Ravenclaws this year," Peter said.

"Yeah," James said.

"Bet this next one is Ravenclaw," Sirius said.

Remus hissed, "You shouldn't be betting on the Sorting, honestly-"

"_SLYTHERIN!"_

"Nice try, mate. Pay up," James said.

"I didn't actually bet anything," Sirius said.

The Sorting continued for another few minutes before 'Zethes, Hannah' was sorted into Hufflepuff.

McGonagall carried the Hat and stool away, then Dumbledore rose to make his start-of-term speech.

"Welcome," he said, "Welcome back, to many of you. There are a few things I want to say before we begin our excellent feast. The first is a reminder from Mr. Filch that fanged frisbees are not allowed in the corridors, nor is magic. The second is another reminder. Please note that the Forbidden Forest is exactly that- forbidden. The last thing I would like to do is welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Alastor Moody." He gestured to the scarred man.

There was some scattered applause.

"Now," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling, "I recommend that you all enjoy the feast as for a good night of sleep for classes tomorrow."

The once empty plates that lined the four house tables suddenly filled with all sorts of food.

"Pass the chicken," Sirius said.

The hall filled with chatter and the clanking of knives and forks as people began to eat.

The meal was enjoyable, and all too soon the last crumbs had vanished from the plates and the students were standing, headed for their dormitories.

"The password is 'doxycide,'" the frizzy haired Gryffindor Prefect informed the group as they got to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

The portrait swung inward, and the Gryffindors slipped inside.

Rather than lingering in the Common Room like a good fraction of their house, the Marauders went straight to their dormitory.

"Well," Sirius said, looking around the dorm happily, "Let's get this year started."


	2. Scio and Moody

The next morning began with a good amount of grumbling.

"I forgot what getting up early feels like," Sirius said unhappily.

"Can we just skip breakfast?" James said.

"No!" Sirius looked scandalized.

"You know how he is about breakfast," Peter said.

"We can't skip breakfast," Sirius said. "That would be a tragedy to rival even the stealing of my eggs."

"Woe is you," Remus said dryly. "Come on, we've got to get downstairs for schedules anyway."

It took a few minutes of corralling before the boys made it down to the Great Hall, just in time to receive their schedules from McGonagall.

"Minnie!" Sirius exclaimed when he saw her. "How _are_ you? It's been months! I haven't heard from you in ages!"

"Mr. Black," McGonagall started, but Sirius continued.

"Why Minnie, are those new robes? You look absolutely splendid-"

"Mr. Black-"

"-doesn't she, James?"

"Thank you for the compliments, Mr. Black, and I'm glad that you're back at Hogwarts. Here are your schedules." McGonagall passed each of the boys a crisp piece of parchment, then briskly made towards a clump of seventh years.

"Hey, we have Transfiguration first!" Sirius said. "We'll see you in a few minutes, Minnie!" he called after her.

"Transfiguration, History of Magic, Charms, Divination- hey, Professor!" James ran after McGonagall.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?" she said, turning.

"It says on here I have Divination- I only signed up for Care of Magical Creatures," James said, pointing to the schedule.

"Over the summer a decision was made to make two non-core classes mandatory," McGonagall said. "That is why you are in both Care of Magical Creatures and Divination."

"Alright." James headed back to the others. "Are you all signed up for Divination, then?"

"Yeah," Peter and Remus said.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Are you signed up for Divination?" James repeated.

"Oh, yeah," Sirius said. "Did they take out History of Magic?"

"No, they're making us be in class for an extra hour," James said, then continued reading off the schedule. "Lunch, D.A.D.A, Potions, and Care of Magical Creatures."

"Wait- we have to study for an _extra_ _hour_?" Sirius said incredulously.

"Yeah, but I've heard Divination is an easy pass," James shrugged. "I bet we can pull a History of Magic-"

"A whole extra hour? This is slavery!" Sirius exclaimed. "I refuse to stand for it-"

"Speaking of classes," Remus said, "We should eat or we won't make it to Transfiguration."

Transfiguration began with McGonagall briskly stating that they would be using the first few days of term for a review..

"Today and tomorrow we will be reviewing the basics of transfiguring the properties of objects, such as turning an apple to stone or changing the color of a hedgehog," she said. "Next week we will review our work on human and animal transfigurations, followed by…."

When McGonagall let the class go, they had a ten inch essay to be turned in the next day.

History of Magic was just as boring as it had been the last year. Their teacher, Binns, kept his eyes strictly on the chalkboard as he droned on about the vampire revolts of the fifteen hundreds.

"Why haven't they fired him yet?" Sirius asked.

"Dumbledore must see something in him," Peter said.

"What?" Sirius said. "He's a ghost, which would be cool if he actually was a good teacher."

"He's not that bad," Remus said.

"Not that bad? Have you gone mad, Remus?"

"I'm quite sane, actually."

Charms was a review as well. Flitwick gave them a short talk on what they would be covering for the year, then quickly began instructing the class to break into pairs and practice the various spells they had learned the previous year.

Divination was next; most of the fourth year Gryffindors had it. As a group, they hurried to the North Tower, pausing at the top of the stairs, looking about for a door.

"Are we in the wrong spot?" Hestia Jones said, peering out one of the windows.

"Not unless the schedule was wrong," Remus said.

"We're in the right spot," Lily said. She pointed towards the ceiling.

A round trapdoor with a plaque reading '_Divination_' was directly above the group.

"Loads of help that is if we can't get in," Sirius said. "There aren't any stairs or a ladder."

He had a point; there was no ladder in sight, nor did there appear to be any way up to the trapdoor.

"We can get it," James said.

"How?"

"_Wingardium Leviosa_!" James said, wand pointed in Sirius' direction.

"Oi! Put me down!" Sirius was rising through the air toward the trapdoor, which was still closed. "James, I don't have anything to grab onto- ouch!"

The door swung open and hit him on the top of his head. A ladder unfurled from the now open trapdoor, which Sirius grabbed onto.

"Thanks a lot, mate," he said, rubbing his head.

"Anytime," James said.

One by one, the class climbed the ladder and pulled themselves up into the Divination classroom.

The classroom had several short round tables around which were various cushions. Each cedar table had a brightly colored burning candle atop it, as well as a bowl filled with water and a leather-bound book.

In the front of the room was a woman. She had black, frizzy hair and large, owlish eyes. Her sapphire blue robes rippled as she gave her wand a flick, shutting the trapdoor as the last students hurried inside and began seating themselves.

"Welcome," she said softly, "To Divination. I am Professor Scio, and I will be your teacher for this term. Divination is one of the most precise and imprecise branches of magic. There is a fair bit of guessing involved, and a fair bit of fact involved. It is a difficult thing to interpret and easy to misunderstand, despite the fact that when you have studied it for long enough, it makes perfect sense."

Much of the class exchanged confused looks at this pronouncement.

Scio continued. "I do not expect you all to be able to know with absolute certainty at what day the world will end, nor any other matters of this sort. I do, however, expect you all to try and understand, even if you cannot do. Now, enough with my talking. We will be starting with Ceroscopy. There will be a candle on each table. One of you will pour the wax from the candle into the bowl of water. Watch how the wax settles and interpret it using pages ten through sixteen in your books."

The class hurried to obey, pouring wax and flipping pages.

At the Marauders' table, James had poured the wax into the water, somehow managing to set his sleeve on fire while doing so.

Remus sighed and began helping James smother the fire before he was burned.

"Mars and something-or-other are probably in line," Sirius assured him. "It was bound to happen."

"What?" James said.

"My dad made me study astrology and astronomy when I was nine," Sirius said. "There's something about planets lining up and you getting burns…."

"Have you begun reading your wax?" Scio asked, coming up behind Peter.

"We're just about to do that," James said.

Scio nodded. "Make sure you don't bump the bowl and disrupt the patterns, that will make your readings imprecise." With that, she moved on to a group that was seated in the corner.

"Alright, so… that's a weird blob thing there… that's got to be newfound knowledge." Sirius stared hard at the water. "And that… that looks like another blob thing… so… does that look like danger?"

"No," Remus said, glancing at the book. "That's secrets…."

"You're not secretly a vampire, too, are you Remus?" Sirius asked solemnly.

"No," Remus said, looking as though he was somewhere between laughing or sighing.

"Good to know," James said. "Anyway, I think that thing there is good fortune… wait, no, that's wrong, that looks like bad fortune…. Or a sheep..."

"Why, James," Sirius said, "With your decisiveness, you could be the next great seer."

Divination ended, and with a relaxed sort of leisure, the Gryffindors made their way to the Great Hall for lunch.

"What did we have next?" Peter said.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," Remus said.

"Brilliant," James said. "I want to see who this bloke is."

Defense Against the Dark Arts was a combined class of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. They headed into the classroom and took their seats, talking quietly all the while.

"You know what we didn't do?" Sirius said suddenly. "We haven't talked about planning a prank!"

"We haven't!" James said.

"It's got to be something big," Sirius said. "Something with a-"

The classroom door opened with a loud bang.

The class whirled around in their seats to watch Moody enter the room.

"My name," he said shortly, "Is Alastor Moody. I work for the auror department in the Ministry of Magic. Dumbledore has asked me to fill this post. That being said, I have a year to teach you-"

"This job has got to be cursed," a Ravenclaw in the back of the class muttered.

"Yep, it is," Moody said. "Been cursed for a while now, Dumbledore says. Dumbledore also says that the past few years you've covered a lot of basic dueling and various creatures. What you haven't covered is dark wizards."

This statement was met with an uncomfortable silence.

"That's what I'll be focusing on. First we'll be starting with the methods that dark wizards' normally use…. Today we'll be discussing the Unforgivable Curses."

The Marauders exchanged looks.

"Can anyone give me one of the Unforgivable Curses?" Moody asked. "You, back there, Ms…?"

"Mary Macdonald," the girl said. "The Imperious Curse."

"Yep. The Imperious Curse is a likely choice for a dark wizard to use. It will force it's victim to do the bidding of the person who cast it- very dangerous. Another? Mr...?"

"Prewett, Fabian Prewett. The Cruciatus Curse."

"Right, right," Moody said. "The Cruciatus."

Sirius stiffened ever so slightly.

"The Cruciatus Curse is a torture curse. There are few more effective ways to force people into giving information. And the last one? Ms…?"

"Alice. Er, Alice Fortescue. The Killing Curse, _Avada-_"

"_Kedavra_, yep," Moody said grimly. "Like Ms. Fortescue said, the Killing Curse. There's no way to block it; if it's thrown at you and you can't duck it, you're dead before you hit the ground. Most wizards don't duck because they don't see it coming. If you want to see it coming, you're going to have to have _CONSTANT VIGILANCE_!"

He barked the last word incredibly loudly, causing most of the class to jump in their desks.

There was a great deal of swearing as people rubbed their sore kneecaps, and Moody continued.

"Now, can anyone tell me, now knowing about all these curses, why they have been labeled as 'Unforgivable?'"

Lily was the only person to raise a hand.

"Front row there, Ms…?"

"Evans," Lily said. "They're so cruel that using any one of them on any human being would be unthinkable."

"Using any one of them would land you with a one-way ticket to Azkaban," Moody nodded, mechanical eye whirring. "We have a good half-hour left before you're due in your next classes. I want you to turn to page seventy four of your books and take notes on the Unforgivables, and if you have time after, get started on your homework- four inches on each of the curses. That's a foot long in all."

The class worked in silence until they were dismissed, when they filed out the door, talking about the lesson.

"That was interesting."

"Interesting? I didn't even know curses like that existed. It'll be a wonder if I manage to get to sleep tonight."

"At least he didn't perform them in front of us…."

"Well, that was sure a cheerful lesson," Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, because death, absolute control over a person, and torture are, without a doubt, cheerful."

"What did you think about Moody?" James asked.

"I thought he was alright," Remus said.

"Pretty abrupt," Peter shrugged, "Introducing that on the first day."

"I don't know," Sirius said, "I thought he was rather Moody…."

Potions was, thankfully, note taking, with, not-so-thankfully, more homework.

Care of Magical Creatures was similar, the only difference being Kettleburn informing the class that he'd shipped in a couple of small erumpents for their first practical, which would be the following week.

"Remind me to write my will before next week," Sirius said as they left the class.

"You don't need to write your will," Remus sighed.

"Moony, if I don't get killed by the erumpent, I'll likely fall off a broom or something."

"Forget about your will, we have more important things to do," James said purposefully.

"What?"

"We have a prank to plan."


	3. Piranhas, Jaguars, and Monkeys

Their first prank had to be big. It had to be inspired. Above all, it had to be Marauder-worthy.

"Right," Sirius said, lowering his voice as he walked past Professor Sprout, the Herbology teacher, who was shepherding some first years. "I think the prank should focus on the Slytherins."

"We should focus it on the whole school," Remus said.

"What do you have against going after the Slytherins?" Sirius said. "Snivellus hasn't done you any favors-"

"I know, but this is the first prank, it should be for the whole school to make a good start."

"Remus has a point," James nodded. "I'm in for the whole school."

"Or we could prank Dumbledore," Peter said.

"Dumbles? That's a good idea," Sirius said.

Remus sighed. "Are you still going on with that nickname?"

"Yes, I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because this is the headmaster we're talking about."

"All the more reason for him to have a nickname."

"You can't be serious-"

"I'm always Sirius."

"Yes, we've noticed," James grinned. "And we need to figure out what sort of prank we're talking about. Any ideas?"

"We could use those dungbombs," Peter suggested.

"Start a game of Quidditch in the Great Hall," Sirius said.

"The players would start on fire because of all the candles in there," Remus pointed out.

"Quidditch in the _corridors_."

"Minnie wouldn't like that."

"Minnie loves Quidditch- oi!"

Something short and blond had run into Sirius. The something fell back, revealing itself to be a nervous looking first year boy, who scrambled to his feet, almost tripping over his robes as he did so.

"S-Sorry," he stammered. "I was looking for the Great Hall, I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, you're fine," Sirius said. "Don't worry about it. And, also, the Great Hall is that way." He pointed back in the direction the boy had come from.

"Oh." The first year seemed to look even smaller. "I didn't realize that."

"It's alright, Hogwarts is pretty big," Sirius shrugged. "If you want to get to Hall from here, it'll be down a corridor, then you turn to the…. Which way was it?" he asked, turning to the other boys.

"Left," Remus supplied.

"Alright, you turn left, then you're down the corridor to the right, then follow that corridor for a bit, then you'll reach a huge staircase; head down that. The Great Hall is right at the bottom," Sirius said. "Got it?"

The first year nodded, gave a quick "Thanks!" and went on his way.

"Back to the prank ideas," Sirius said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with Quidditch in the corridors-"

"Yes, there is, but the idea of doing something in the corridors is good-"

"Like Quidditch-"

"Not Quidditch."

"Fine, but for the record, it was a brilliant idea."

"Hey, I know what we should do!" James said excitedly. "So over the summer, we went to this all-muggle town. There wasn't any Wizarding stuff anywhere, and my mum didn't let us bring much more than our wands and some spellbook my dad said he needed. Anyway, we went to this muggle library for a day. You'd think all the books would be boring, but there were actually some really good ones-"

"Remus, you've corrupted him!" Sirius moaned. "Look what you've done! He was enjoying a _library!_"

"Let me finish, mate. Alright, so there was the nonfiction section of the library, and I was looking at stuff in there, and there's that river in South America- you know, the Amazon- and I think that we should turn the corridors on the first floor into the Amazon River."

"That's just flooding the school," Peter said slowly. "Peeves already did that."

"Not just flooding it, but putting fish and stuff into it," James explained. "There are trees that grow in it, caiman, anacondas, piranhas-"

"What?" Sirius asked.

"You know- the small crocodile-like things, the huge snakes, and the fish with the really sharp teeth-"

"Oh, those things. Now I'm in."

"We could do that," Remus said with a nod. "But no caiman, anacondas, or piranhas."

"What? That's the whole point of the Amazon!"

"No, it's really not-"

"It is," James said. "That's what makes it exciting."

The Marauders continued to plan the prank during dinner. After dinner, however, they worked on the homework they had been given for the day.

"It's the first day!" Sirius complained.

"It's school," Remus said knowingly. "The point of it is to teach you and give you homework."

"Well, yeah," James said, "But they don't have to give homework on the first day. We could be doing something that's actually productive!"

"Like attempting to smuggle piranhas into Hogwarts?"

"Exactly!" James paused, quill hovering above his parchment. "What was that thing Moody shouted at us? 'Constant validity?'"

"'Constant vigilance,'" Sirius said. "You'd better not use that in your essay, though, that's my plan."

"Too late. '_Like the other two Unforgivable Curses, the only way to avoid the Killing Curse is with constant vigilance, as there is no way to shield yourself from the spell once it is cast,'_" James read.

"Oi, I was going to do that!"

The next morning, the Marauders were deep in a conversation about the essay that they (James and Sirius respectively) would have to finish in History of Magic when there a small, timid call of "Excuse me?" from behind them.

The boys turned to find a trio of first year Ravenclaws.

"Do you know which way to Charms class?" the one in the center inquired promptly.

"Yeah. Up a flight of stairs and to the right," James said.

"Er… which flight?" the one to the left asked.

"That one." Peter pointed down the corridor.

"Thanks!"

The Ravenclaws hurried off in the direction he had pointed, disappearing from sight.

"You know," Sirius said, glancing in the direction they had gone, "That's the second time we've been asked for directions in the past two days."

The other three nodded.

"Someone should make a map," Sirius finished.

"Of Hogwarts?" Remus looked doubtful. "The staircases are always changing, and there are places here- like the Room of Requirement- that are unplottable. And you'd have to do a lot of measuring. Hogwarts is huge."

"But there'd be a spell or enchantment that could show the staircases moving, I bet," James said.

"Probably."

"So it's possible," Sirius nodded.

"Hypothetically, yeah-"

"Remus, that's brilliant! _We should make the map of Hogwarts_! Let's put that on our to-do list."

"If you want to do the measuring-"

"Yes!" James grinned. "And then if we-"

They had made it to the Transfiguration classroom.

McGonagall gave them a look. "If you four would refrain from plotting anything in my class, the would be preferred," she said.

"Minnie, it's only hypothetical!" Sirius protested.

"And we were only plotting to make a map of Hogwarts!" James added. "That's helpful!"

"A map would be very helpful," McGonagall agreed, "But I'm afraid that your cartography will have to wait until after class."

Transfiguration was uneventful, followed by History of Magic, which James and Sirius used to finish their essays, then began planning the prank with Remus and Peter.

"So we're flooding the level with the Great Hall, right?" Peter checked.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded.

"We need to figure out how to make sure it doesn't flood the dungeons, though," Remus said. "It would drown the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, and if the stuff from Potions mixed with the water, that wouldn't end well."

"I don't think that downing the Slytherins would be a real loss," Sirius said. After a look from Remus, he added, "But that might make Minnie upset for some reason, so let's not do that."

"I think that most things we do make Minnie upset," James said.

"No, she liked the time when-"

"No, she didn't," said Remus.

"You don't even know which time I was talking about."

"I don't need to know which time; the day McGonagall likes our pranking will be the day James convinces Lily to go out with him."

"Hey!" James gave Remus a look of utter betrayal.

"So then Evans will choose to go out with him pretty soon," Sirius said.

"Thank you!" James said.

"Of course," Sirius said.

"Fine, the day McGonagall likes our pranking will be the day that you two become best mates with the Slytherins," Remus said.

"Don't have such little faith!"

"You want to be best mates with Snape?"

"No, that would be mad. I mean that you shouldn't have such little faith in McGonagall's taste of pranking."

"Speaking of pranking, weren't we saying that we aren't going to drown the Hufflepuffs?" James interrupted.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "But the Slytherins are fair game."

"So if we flood the corridors around the Great Hall, but put barricades up so that the water can't leak into the basement, that should solve the problem of flooding the basement on accident," Remus said.

"What if it's not an accident?"

"If it does flood, it had better be."

"Alright, so if that's the water, we need to get the anacondas, caiman, and-"

"We are _not _using anacondas, caiman, or piranhas."

"Oh, come on, Moony, you're no fun."

The prank was ready to be carried out three days later. None of Hogwarts was really expecting it, so when the first few students began to trickle towards the Great Hall, they were surprised, to say the least, at the sight that awaited them.

The corridors on the main floor were flooded with water. Trees grew through the stones at the bottom of the "river" and towered high about the befuddled students. Long, wooden canoes were tethered by the edge of the water. And in the water….

"I thought we said no piranhas!" Remus said incredulously. "I can't believe that you- well, no, I can- but that's more irresponsible than anything you've attempted before!"

"We're adding a realistic feel to it," Sirius said honestly. "And we didn't add any anacondas or caiman. But we do have monkeys in the trees, and there's a jaguar somewhere around here-"

"A jaguar?" Remus yelped. "Why did you unleash a jaguar on the school? That's mad!"

"It's not like we didn't feed him," James said.

Remus muttered something under his breath.

"Don't have such little faith in us," Sirius said. "We de-toothed the piranhas and the jaguar is house trained!"

"De-toothed piranhas…." Remus looked him dead in the eye. "If anyone is hurt or killed by your rogue fish, monkeys, or jaguar, it's completely your fault."

The Marauders hopped into one of the canoes and began to row toward the Great Hall at the opposite end of the corridor.

The hall was also flooded. Each of the house tables was on top of a wooden raft. The rafts were tied to various trees that were scattered around the room. Monkeys could be heard from far above, chattering loudly.

The Marauders paddled to the Gryffindor table, tied their canoe to a nearby tree, and sat down for breakfast.

At the staff table, which was also afloat on a raft, Dumbledore was merrily talking to a disgruntled McGonagall, who gave a look toward the boys.

Sirius winked at her.

McGonagall sighed, then went back to talking with Dumbledore.

"Minnie and Dumbles are definitely talking about how much they liked the piranhas," Sirius nodded.

"No, definitely not," James said. "They're talking about the jaguar."

"Or about the canoes," Peter piped up. "I saw Dumbledore ferrying her, Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn across the corridor when we came down."

"How'd they fit that many people in one canoe?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"It was one of the charms we used, remember? Expansion and floating charms," Remus said.

"Oh, right."

The first part of the day passed smoothly. At least, as smoothly as it could go when the main floor had been turned into a replica of the Amazon River. Only at the end of lunch did the Marauders hear anything other than grumbles about not having enough canoes or being unable to get to class.

"You four are behind this."

"Is that a bad thing?"

The boys surveyed Lily; James and Sirius with amusement; Remus with hesitation; and Peter with evident nervousness.

"A first year was running through the corridors shouting something about a jaguar," Lily said.

"Good for them," Sirius said sincerely.

Lily glowered at him. "That first year was scared out of her mind. Please, Black, do explain to me why that's good."

"It's the sighting of a lifetime," Sirius said. "How many people can claim to have seen a jaguar?"

"Did the jaguar hurt anyone?" Remus asked before Lily could reply.

"Not that I know of," Lily said. "The teachers are tracking it down right now."

Sirius cursed."He was our most realistic element besides the piranhas-"

"_Piranhas?_" Lily interrupted.

"-and the monkeys. Come on, Evans."

"It's not my fault, and anyway it won't have happened if you hadn't put dangerous animals in a school. Who puts a jaguar in a school besides a madman?"

"The Marauders," James said matter-of-factly.

"You and Sirius, I told you not to do it," Remus said exasperatedly.

"I wasn't involved," Peter said quickly.

"Thanks for throwing us under the Knight Bus, mates," Sirius said with a glare.

"Of course, anytime," Remus said pleasantly.

"Coming, Lily?" someone shouted.

Lily turned to glance at the edge of the raft, where Hestia Jones, Marlene Mickinnion, and Alice Fortescue were waiting in a canoe. "I just came to tell you two to have some common sense," she said, "and that this had better be the worst you do."

"Well, Evans," James said, "It'll get a whole lot better."

Lily muttered something under her breath and hopped into the canoe.

"I really hope they don't find Leslie," James said.

"Leslie?" Peter said.

"That's the name of the jaguar," Sirius said.

"The jaguar is named Leslie."

"Yes."

"Okay…."

"Did you name the monkeys?" Remus asked.

"Of course. There's Stewart, Abby, Kevin, Jake, Simbabwe, Bennith, and Lucy Elaine," Sirius said. "You can't forget Lucy Elaine."

"Where'd you even get the jaguar and monkeys?"

"Leslie, Stewart, Abby, Kevin, Jake, Simbabwe, Bennith, and Lucy Elaine," James corrected.

"And the piranhas?"

"We transfigured them," Sirius said. "But I'm partial to Leslie and Lucy Elaine, and James likes Bennith."

"Do the piranhas have names?" Peter asked.

"Peter, all our animals have names. There's Levonquious, Elvendork, Bathilea, Penelope, Utgaurd, Joe, Falafel, Reynold, Wyoming-"

"Wyoming?"

"Yeah, then there's Steve, Anthony, Scott, Sussex, Jenny, Mathine…."

That night, dinner was quiet. People were continuously glancing in the Marauders' direction.

Everyone second year and up had a very good idea who had turned the school into the Amazon.

A number of the first years had been warned by now; Most pranks at Hogwarts were 'courtesy of the Marauders.' Particularly the, depending on who you asked, dangerous or exciting ones.

"Just do it already," James said after a good ten minutes of stares. "They know it was us, and it's our first one, they know we'll claim it."

Sirius nodded, slipped his wand from his pocket, and inconspicuously as he could (though it served no purpose at this point) sent the Marauders' message into the air.

_Today was brought to you courtesy of the Marauders._

No one was surprised.

"That'll be a week's detention, Marauders," McGonagall called from the staff table.

"Sure thing, Minnie!" Sirius said cheerfully. "What time?"

"Tomorrow at six. I dare say you four know the drill."


	4. Lucy Elaine

As well as their detention the next night, McGonagall caught the Marauders on their way out of the hall after dinner had ended.

"Come back here, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew," she said briskly.

"Don't worry, Minnie, we'll clean it up!" Sirius assured her.

"Then you'd best get started," McGonagall said.

The cleanup took two hours, ending once the piranhas, Leslie the jaguar, and the monkeys had been untransfigured.

"Alright," James said. "Let's go."

"Yeah, we should get back up to the dorm," Sirius nodded. He shifted the box he was holding.

"What makes you two want to get back so quickly?" Remus asked suspiciously. "Normally you'd use this as an excuse to go to the kitchens for biscuits."

"Well, it's late and past curfew-"

"You don't care about curfew."

"Okay, no, but we still have to get back to the dorm."

James nodded. "The dorm sounds fine, but I think that we should take Remus up on going to the kitchens-"

"I was not suggesting that we do that, I was just saying that Sirius passing up an opportunity to go to the kitchens is not normal," Remus said.

James opened his mouth to reply. "But-"

"To the dormitory," Sirius interrupted, then began to head down the corridor.

They were halfway to Gryffindor Tower when they ran into Moody. Literally, in James' case.

"Sorry, Professor," James said quickly.

"You should watch where you're going," Moody said shortly. "If you run into a teacher now, you'll be sure to run into someone you'd rather not later."

James nodded.

"He probably needs new glasses," said Sirius. "He's blind with or without them."

"Hey!" said James. "I'm not blind!"

"Are you sure? You seemed blind when McKinnon stole your glasses last year."

Moody turned his attention to Sirius, then the box he was holding.

Sirius readjusted his grip on the box as Moody's electric blue eye swerved to look intently at it.

"Special cargo?" Moody asked conversationally.

"No, just a box," Sirius said.

Remus glanced at Sirius suspiciously. "Did you take something from-"

Sirius shook his head quickly. "No, why would I do that?"

Remus didn't seem convinced.

"Well, Professor, we should be going," Sirius said. "Wouldn't be good to be caught out during curfew."

"Yeah," James said. "Minnie wouldn't be happy."

"Professor McGonagall probably has enough detentions with you four," Moody said. "If she catches you after curfew, tell her I'll take care of you."

The boys nodded.

"Get to your dormitories, then. And try not to run into anyone else, eh, Potter? _Constant vigilance!_"

"Alright," James said, grinning slightly.

The boys were outside the portrait to Gryffindor Tower when the box Sirius was holding gave a jolt.

"Doxycide," Sirius said quickly.

The portrait swung inward.

Clambering through the doorway as fast as he could, Sirius disappeared into the Common Room.

"That's definitely not normal," Peter said.

"He's hiding something," Remus decided.

James didn't say anything, proceeding to follow Sirius.

"And James is probably in on it," Peter said.

Remus nodded. "Probably."

With that, they followed James into the Common Room.

In the dormitory, Sirius was still holding the box, which gave an odd chattering noise.

"Come on, James, it doesn't have to be anything special, just an old homework assignment or something," Sirius said.

James, who was rummaging under his bed gave a muffled reply of, "I'm trying, but my Quidditch gear is in the way!"

"Then we can use the Quidditch gear!"

"No, you can't use my Quidditch gear-"

"Use your Quidditch gear for what?" Peter asked. He and Remus were standing in the doorway of the dorm.

"Well…"

The box Sirius was holding emitted another chattering noise.

"What did you do this time?" Remus sighed.

"I only adopted Lucy Elaine!" Sirius said defensively. "It's not a big deal."

Remus and Peter stared at him.

"You adopted Lucy Elaine," Peter said slowly. "The monkey that we used in the prank."

"Yeah."

"Why-?"

"Okay, I've got it!" James called.

"Got what?" Remus said.

"Last year's Charms essay on Cheering Charms, we can tranfigure it into a bed or something for her," James said, crawling out from under his bed and holding up a tattered piece of parchment.

"Transfigure it and I'll let her out- and someone close the door," Sirius added.

James pulled his wand from his pocket and attempted to transfigure the essay.

Sirius gave James's work a scrutinizing look. "I think it needs some color," he decided after a moment.

Lucy Elaine gave a chatter from inside the box.

"Lucy Elaine agrees. I think it should be pink."

James complied, then held up the bed. "Happy?"

"Yeah, brilliant. Alright, Lucy, I'll let you out now."

Sirius lifted the lid of the box, and out scampered Lucy Elaine.

"She's a tamarin?" Remus asked curiously.

"Is that the kind of monkey she is?" James said.

"I think so," Remus said.

"She's not a tamarin, she's a Lucy Elaine," Sirius corrected, then addressed the monkey. "Lucy, this is your new home. There's Peter, Remus, and James, but you can call them Sugar Inhaler, Chocoholic Nerd, and Spectacled Chaser. I'm the Almighty Sirius Black, but you can call me Sirius Black the Wise and Almighty King of the Dormitory, If you really want to."

"You're not the king of the dorm!" James protested.

"And I'm not a sugar inhaler," Peter said.

"And you're far from wise," Remus added.

"What do you mean? I never do anything stupid, so that makes me wise!" Sirius said.

"Not really-"

"Chocoholic Nerd, as the Wise and Almighty King of the Dormitory, I hereby sentence you to a week without library privileges!"

"Because I'll definitely listen," Remus said dryly.

"Exactly."

"You're not the king of the dorm!" James said again.

"Careful, Spectacled Chaser, Or I'll demote you from the rank of Second in Command. Well, Third in Command."

"Who's Second in Command?"

"Lucy Elaine."

"Sod Lucy Elaine, I'm your best friend! I should be Second in Command!"

Sirius pretended to look aghast. "Sod Lucy Elaine? Sod _Lucy Elaine?_ James Fleamont Potter, you've been demoted to the rank of peasant."

"_What?_"

"You heard me, peasant."

"I'm not a peasant."

"Of course you are, I just demoted you. Now bow, then apologize to Lucy Elaine."

"I'm not bowing," James said stubbornly. "And I don't think Lucy really cares."

Everyone looked to where Lucy was sitting atop Peter's four poster bed, watching the boys curiously.

"Yes she does, she's just too polite to show it," Sirius said.

"No, she doesn't care."

"Yes, she does."

"No, she doesn't."

"Yes, she does."

"No, she doesn't."

"Yes, she does."

James glared at him for a moment, then grabbed his pillow, and threw it at Sirius.

"How dare you!" Sirius shouted as the pillow hit its mark. "He tried to assassinate me! He's trying to kill me! Remus, Peter, save me!"

Remus and Peter glanced at each other.

"Actually," Remus said, grinning as he picked up a pillow, "I think that overthrowing the present king is in order. Peter?"

Peter nodded, taking his own pillow off his bed.

James grabbed another pillow.

"You betrayers!" Sirius said dramatically. "You vile betrayers! How could you? How could-?"

James cut his sentence short by smacking him with his pillow.

The next morning, the dormitory was still in shambles from the pillow fight.

"Peter, you got feathers all over my robes," James grumbled as he finished getting dressed.

"Sorry," Peter said.

"How'd your pillow end up wedged between the sill and window?" Remus asked, looking at the partially open window.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno… has anyone seen my Transfiguration book? Minnie threatened to put me in detention if I forgot it again."

"Lucy has it," James said.

"Okay. Lucy, come over here, I need my book."

Lucy Elaine was perched on Remus' trunk, holding the Transfiguration book. She made no move towards Sirius.

"Come on, Lucy, Minnie'll throw me in detention."

The monkey stayed on the trunk.

"Maybe you need to grab it from her," Remus offered.

Sirius made to grab the book, but Lucy danced out of the way, chattering.

"Lucy, give me the book-" Sirius tried to snatch the book from her again, without success.

James watched Sirius' attempts for another minute before saying, "It's not that hard, you've just got to grab it." He took the book from Lucy Elaine without problem, then passed it to a shocked Sirius.

"How'd he do that?" Sirius said, staring at the book.

"Without difficulty," James said, "but that's not the point. The point is, we're already late for breakfast, but then we have to come back up here so we can give something to Lucy Elaine. And then we have to get to class without being late."

They were late to class.

McGonagall gave them a piercing look as they hurried to their seats.

"Morning, Minnie!" Sirius said cheerfully.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," McGonagall said sharply. "I don't suppose you have your book with you? Or an explanation as to why you are late?"

"Actually, Minnie dear, I have both," Sirius said. "My book is in my bag- no, it's in Peter's bag, actually, but I have it, and we were late because Remus' pet rabbit got lost in the sheets, and we couldn't find him."

"Mr. Lupin's pet rabbit?" McGonagall said skeptically.

James and Sirius nodded.

"Mr. Lupin, do you have a pet rabbit?"

Remus hesitated, then nodded. "We got him at the end of summer."

McGonagall still didn't look as though she believed them.

"He's really small," James said. "The rabbit, I mean, and he got out of his cage while Remus was feeding him, and hopped into one of the beds and got tangled in the covers, and we couldn't find him, so we had to strip the bed. Remus keeps extra blankets on his bed, so that took a while. Then-"

"Very well, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, sounding slightly exasperated. "If you would sit down so I could continue the lesson…."

"Of course, Minnie!" Sirius said. "James, Remus, Peter, take a seat, we'll be talking about- what does that say? An orange into a football?" He squinted at the board. "No, a-"

"I will teach the lesson, Mr. Black," interrupted McGonagall.

"Really? I thought I was doing well. Wasn't I doing alright?"

"You were doing fine-"

"Brilliant-"

"But I will be taking over as I am the teacher, so if you'd sit down, Mr. Black, I'd like to continue."

"Sorry, Minnie."

The rest of the morning lessons passed smoothly. History of Magic was spent plotting a prank for Snape after James had declared, "The git probably thinks that we've forgotten about him." Charms was used for a review of summoning charms, and in Divination the class had started with fire omens. The only trouble came when James went up to the dormitory during lunch to feed Lucy Elaine.

He had run into the Great Hall panting, only stopping when he reached Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"She's gone," he said. "Lucy Elaine, she's gone. No one closed the door."

"What?" Sirius said.

"Lucy Elaine is missing," James said, grabbing a roll.

"_What?_ Who was the last one out?"

"I think you were," Peter said.

"Are you sure she's not in the dorm?"

"Positive."

"We have to go look for her," Sirius decided.

"We have D. ," Remus pointed out. "We can't miss that."

"But-"

"There can't be that many monkeys at Hogwarts. We'll hear if someone sees her," Remus said.

"What if it's a teacher that finds her? She'll be untransfigured, and then we won't have a Lucy Elaine!"

"You can always retransfig-"

"No, because then we'd have to give the monkey a new name, and it wouldn't be Lucy Elaine."

"I know, but-"

"Can we make a decision?" James interrupted. "I'd prefer to go to D.A.D.A, but we won't get there unless we leave in a few minutes, and I'd like to know how long I have to eat."

"Ten minutes, probably," Remus said. "Moody doesn't like when people are late."

Despite leaving with more than enough time to make it to Defense Against the Dark Arts, the Marauders were, for the second time that day, late.

Moody was waiting patiently in the front of the room when they walked in, Sirius disgruntled, James indifferent, Remus apologetic, and Peter hesitant.

"Took you four long enough," Moody said huskily once the boys had taken their seats.

"Sorry, Professor, we got… held up," Remus said.

That wasn't quite what had happened. Sirius had insisted on checking all the classrooms and corridors on their way to D.A.D.A, making what should have been a five minute walk into a fifteen minute one.

"Yeah, Sirius must've hit his head or something. He kept trying to go the wrong way," James said.

"You should know your turf," Moody said, turning to Sirius. "Know what's where so if something's out of place you notice right away." He looked to the rest of the class before barking his signature, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

The class, despite being used to Moody's volume, winced at the shout.

"Now," Moody said, "today, we'll be talking about just that. Noticing things that shouldn't be there. Such as, for example, Black's pet monkey swinging on the chandelier in the Trophy Room this morning."

Everyone turned to look at Sirius.

"Who says Lu- the monkey, I mean, is mine?" Sirius asked quickly. "Why would I be in possession of a monkey?"

"Because you, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin were the orchestrators of the fiasco in the corridors, right?"

"Yeah, but who says the monkey is mine? The monkey could be Remus'!"

"Unless I am mistaken, _you_, Black, were the one with the monkey last night."

Sirius stared at Moody. "What? How'd you-?"

"You could see through the box," Remus guessed, cutting off Sirius.

"Yep," Moody nodded.

"What charms are on that?" a Ravenclaw asked.

"Bought it off a trader in Greece when I was looking for a replacement- lost the original in a standoff. She told me what she used, should I need to repair it. I won't tell you lot, though, because if you tried it on your own eyes, you'd likely set yourself on fire," Moody said matter-of-factly.

The class was quiet.

After a minute, Sirius said, "Can I go get Lucy Elaine, then?"

"That won't be necessary," Moody said. "The monkey has been taken care of."

"You untrans-"

"Yep." Before Sirius could open his mouth to say anything, Moody added, "Which wouldn't have had to happen if you hadn't attempted to keep a transfigured monkey as a pet. Now, back to the lesson."


	5. Nighttime Wandering

Sirius bemoaned the loss of Lucy Elaine for the rest of the week, stopping his mourning only when Remus left for the Hospital Wing at the end of the month.

"We need to keep working on that thing to help with Remus' furry little problem," James said, watching him go.

"Yeah. And we need a better name for it than 'that thing to help with Remus' furry little problem,'" Sirius agreed.

"What about Operation That Thing To Help With Remus' Furry Little Problem?"

"No. That doesn't sound cool. And it's not discreet. It should be something like Operation Screw The Moon."

"That's not very discreet either," Peter pointed out.

"It sounds cool!" Sirius protested.

"It doesn't sound cool," James said.

"Peter thinks it sounds cool, right?" He looked to Peter.

Peter shook his head. "It doesn't sound that cool."

"Traitor. You're a traitor, too, James."

"No, you're just bad at coming up with Operation names and you don't want to admit it," James said.

Sirius gasped, pretending to be offended. "You have hurt me, James! I am great at coming up with Operation names! How could you think otherwise?"

"Because it's the truth."

"I am wounded, James! Wounded! _Wounded!_" With that, Sirius collapsed dramatically.

"Sure. Now get up, we have stuff to do."

Sirius didn't move.

"Come on, mate, we have to come up with a better Operation name." James sighed when Sirius still stayed on the ground. "We'll go to the kitchens."

"Brilliant," Sirius said, popping up. "I could go for some of Minnie's biscuits."

The house elves were more than happy to fulfill Sirius' request of a platter of McGonagall's biscuits, which were brought back up to the boys' dormitory.

"So," Peter said. "Were we coming up with an Operation name?"

"We already have one," James and Sirius said at the same time.

"Operation That Thing To Help With Remus' Furry Little Problem," James said, while Sirius said, "Operation Screw The Moon."

"Those are both terrible," Peter said.

"Hear that, Sirius?" James said triumphantly. "Your Operation name is terrible."

"Yours is terrible too!" Sirius argued, grabbing a biscuit.

"Well, yeah, but it's better than yours!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"N-"

"What about Operation Hypothetical?" Peter suggested.

"Operation Hypothetical?" James asked. "Where'd you get that from?"

"Well, remember that first one after we found out, and we ran into Minnie-"

"We should call it Operation Minnie, then," James said.

"No, Operation Minnie is my second proposal to Minnie since Evans ruined the first one. We can't call it Operation Minnie, that would be too confusing," Sirius said.

"I didn't even know you had an Operation for that."

"Well, I do. And it'll succeed."

"Sure, mate. Good luck with that."

"Thanks, but it'll be a few months. I was thinking Valentines Day would be great. Or the same day as when I tried to propose in second year."

"You should do it on Valentines Day, then we can do a joint proposal- you to Minnie, and me to Evans."

"No, it's not as romantic that way."

"Really? I thought it would be more romantic."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't think so. Anyway, I think Operation Hypothetical sounds good."

"Alright then," James said. "Operation Hypothetical is on."

Sirius nodded. "And so is Operation Minnie. But that's secondary. Operation Hypothetical comes first."

"Brilliant. Who had the book over the summer?"

"That was you," Peter said.

"Oh yeah, right." James hopped off his bed, then began rummaging through his trunk. "Rocks, a spare quill… color-changing dye-"

"We should use that for something," Sirius commented. "And why so you have rocks in there?" he added as an afterthought. "I mean, who carries rocks in their trunk?"

James ignored him and continued, "-list of spells from Transfiguration, an old star chart… a scarf… aha! Here it is." James held up the leather bound book. "And…" he opened to halfway through the book. "It still has all our notes. Which are still in order."

"Good. I don't want to have to sort those again," Sirius said. "That took more than an hour."

"It's your fault for deciding to throw them at me," James shrugged.

"I wouldn't have thrown them at you if you hadn't called suggested that I make friends with Snivellus."

"Fair point. But still." James took a biscuit off the platter.

"Oi! Those aren't yours!" Sirius complained.

"We've been sharing socks since first year. I am perfectly entitled to your biscuits as well."

"The biscuits are off limits!"

James grabbed another and grinned at Sirius.

Sirius glared at him. "You, James Potter, are a terrible person."

"Whatever you say. Now how about we start figuring out what we need for Operation Hypothetical?"

Operation Hypothetical was slow moving, mainly due to the complexity of the process, the rarity of the ingredients needed, and the increase in homework the teachers decided was appropriate for fourth year students.

Shortly after Remus had returned, Quidditch was also added to the mix.

"Everyone's staying on the team, no one graduated last year," James said. "Hallie wants to start practicing early to get ahead of everyone else, they still haven't had tryouts."

"When's practice?" Sirius asked.

"Monday, right after dinner."

"Bugger! We're going to have to reschedule the plan!"

"We can always do it right after. We have the cloak."

"What plan?" Remus said, glancing up from his book suspiciously.

"Exploring," James and Sirius said.

"They want to try and find another secret passage," Peter said.

"How do you think you're going to find one? They're not that obvious," Remus said.

"With your help," James said.

"And Peter's," Sirius added.

Remus sighed. "I didn't volunteer to-"

"Well, too bad, because you're coming," Sirius said. "It's a full Marauders family expedition."

"We'll start by stopping in the kitchens," James said. "So we can get snacks."

"You can grab chocolate," Sirius suggested. "As long as you share it with me."

"You can get your own chocolate when we get there," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Brilliant, he's coming!"

After dinner on Monday, James made his way out to the Quidditch Pitch, broom in hand.

The rest of the Gryffindor Team was already at the pitch.

"Good, you're here," Hallie said as James made it to the center of the pitch. "Alright, team. This year, no one had to leave, so we don't need to do tryouts. You're all experienced fliers, so we'll be moving on to some more difficult, unusual techniques. That's why we need an early start; to make sure that we can have these techniques as solid as possible, which will give us an edge over Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. Any questions?"

"What types of techniques?" Mitchel, one of the Beaters asked. "Professional, semi-professional, street-"

"It'll be a combination of street and professional," Hallie said.

Andrew gave her a confused look. "McGonagall wouldn't let us do anything from street," he said.

"We have permission, as long as we don't use the parts of them that include magic," Hallie said. "Anyone else? Brilliant. Let's get started. We're going to do variation for warm up. Mitchel, Justin, bludgers at the chasers. Maria, just the left set of hoops. Andrew, I'll let the snitch loose in a moment, we'll stop when you catch it. James, Lucas, we'll be trying to score on Maria and not get pummeled by Mitchel and Justin."

The team nodded.

"Alright, let's go, I'm letting out the snitch and bludgers…."

James came back to the Common Room to find Sirius already holding the cloak.

"Come on, hurry up!" he said. "We've got to get going!"

"It's not like we need to be back before curfew," James said.

"Still, the sooner we go, the more time we have to find a secret passage."

"Good point."

Ten minutes later, they were outside Gryffindor Tower, arguing over which way to go.

"Let's go left," Sirius said.

"No, we should go right," James said.

"We went right last time."

"Well, yeah, but-"

Remus shushed them. "It's after hours, in case you've forgotten."

"Sorry, Moony, James here is just being-"

"Shhh, someone's coming!"

Someone was humming loudly to the right of them, around the corner of the corridor.

"What's that supposed to be?" James asked.

"It's probably Peeves," Remus said. "Odds are he's out of tune on purpose."

"Definitely Peeves," Peter agreed.

"Let's not run into him," James said.

"Left," Sirius whispered.

This time, no one argued.

They moved quietly as they could. It would be a bad idea for Peeves to find out they were out of bed and breaking curfew.

Once they couldn't hear Peeves anymore, they began whispering again.

"So, do either of you two have any idea how to find a secret passage? Or are we just wandering around blindly hoping to find one?" Remus asked.

"We're just wandering around," Sirius said, "but we'll definitely find one."

"How?"

"By wandering around and poking at stuff and all that. We've already found one, and the Room of Requirement-"

"You only found the Room of Requirement because we were standing outside it and you decided that you didn't want to listen to the history behind that tapestry-"

"We still found it," Sirius argued. "And even if you don't think it counts, I found the one to Hogsmeade-"

"Didn't you follow some seventh years to it?" Peter said.

"Well, yeah, but-"

The sound of a shoe and wood hitting the ground reached their ears.

"Moody," James said.

"Let's go, Moody can see through boxes- I'm sure he'll be able to see through the cloak," Remus said.

"Peeves is back there," James said. "I doubt Moody-"

The steps were growing louder.

"Come on, we can take the stairs around the corner and head to the fifth floor-"

The steps were right around the corner.

"He'll probably see us anyway," James said, but they hurried around the corner and down the stairs.

The Marauders made it to the fifth floor, where they wandered for a while without an exact idea of what they should be looking for.

"What about behind that suit of armor?" Sirius said.

They checked and found nothing.

"What about the next one?"

They checked the whole left side of the corridor, then James said, "We should check the other side, just in case."

Remus and Peter shared a look.

"Do you really think that we should check the whole-"

"Yes," James said.

It was early the next morning when they returned to Gryffindor Tower. They hadn't found any secret passages, though they had found two sixth years snogging in an empty classroom.

James headed straight for his bed after they got back. "'Night."

"You realize that we only have about two hours until we have to get up?" Remus said.

"That's two hours I can sleep, Quidditch was exhausting," he mumbled into his pillow.

The Marauders were still partially asleep when they went to breakfast, except for Sirius. He seemed more awake than usual.

"I know you lot are tired, but you'd better not walk any slower, otherwise we'll miss breakfast," Sirius said, walking ahead of them.

"That's why we know where the kitchens are," James said.

"Then we'll miss Transfiguration," Sirius said.

"Would that be so bad?"

"No, but Minnie always loves to see us, especially me. Why would we disappoint her?"

"Because I'm tired, and Peter looks tired, and Remus looks tired."

"You can nap during History of Magic. Anyway, we've stayed up for longer than this."

"Yeah, but I didn't have Quidditch then."

They managed to stay awake through breakfast and Transfiguration. The moment they made it to History of Magic, James laid himself down on his desk. Five minutes later, he was asleep.

"Quidditch can't be that exhausting, can it?" Sirius asked, turning to Remus and Peter.

"It looks really hard," Peter said. "And their practice was long."

"What do you think, Remus?"

Remus was taking notes, glancing up at Binns every so often.

"Remus. _Remus_, I'm talking to you-"

"We have a test next week, this will be on it," Remus said.

"We have a test?" Sirius said.

"Yeah, Binns mentioned it yesterday…."

"You won't get expelled if you fail _a _test. Anyway, did you have an answer?"

"About what?"

"About whether Quidditch is so exhausting that it's forcing James to sleep."

"I'm sure it is. Now can I listen?"

"Fine, but it's probably unhealthy to pay so much attention to Binns. If you listen to him too much, you'll probably die of boredom and turn into a ghost, too."

Remus rolled his eyes and continued taking notes.


	6. In the Prophet

Thursday morning, there was an unnatural hush over breakfast.

"Why is everyone whispering?" Peter asked.

They only had to look at the front page of the Daily Prophet.

James read the paper first, saying nothing.

"What happened?" Sirius cranked his neck to peer over James' shoulder. "Oh."

The picture for the article said enough. A house, windows ominously dark, door open a crack, and in the black sky above….

"It's the Dark Mark again," James said. "He's done it again."

"You Know Who?" Peter said.

"Yeah."

_Elias Robin, thirty three, was found dead in his home on Wednesday night with his two daughters and wife Selene. The Dark Mark was found in the sky when he was discovered in the entryway. The rest of his family was found in the kitchen. _

_It has been confirmed that they died because of the killing curse, which is popular with You Know Who and Death Eaters. _

"_It's becoming less and less common, a day without some type of attack," dark wizard anylist Timothy Thiez commented. "Plenty of people are found dead due to the killing curse, but only certain murders are marked. I don't doubt that the same people are behind them, but when the Mark goes up, it means You Know Who is making an example." _

_Robin was very clear on his beliefs on blood prejudice. He was known in Cornwall for his activism for muggle rights. _

"_I'm not surprised. He was attracting a fair bit of attention and it was bound to get back to him. It's a pity that they went after his girls as well," a neighbor says. _

_There is no information on where You Know Who might be at the present time, nor information on the Death Eaters._

"Well," Sirius said, breaking the hush that had fallen over the boys, "you know what this means."

Remus nodded, examining the paper. "It's getting worse."

"No- I mean, it is, but that's not what I meant. The school could use with some cheering."

"Yeah. What are you thinking?" James said. "Something simple, something big, something Marauder-y, something-"

"This time an entire family was killed," Remus said quietly. "It might be insensitive to pull something after this happening."

"Insensitive? Remus, they need cheering!" Sirius said passionately. "Look at everyone- they look like muggles that have seen a jarvey!"

"Muggles don't see jarveys," Peter pointed out. "And if they did, I don't think that's how they would look."

"There was a case where one bloke saw one, and I'm sure that's what they'd look like, but that's not the point. The point is, they're all in shock and the best way to get them out of shock is to get back to the normal routine, where we're plotting stuff and they're worrying."

"They're already worrying," Remus said.

"About some crackpot zealot, not us. We need to fix that. Lord Voldywhoever had better watch out, because we're the only ones who have the right to cause our fellow students anxiety."

"Sirius, I don't think-"

"We're doing it," Sirius decided stubbornly.

"Remus has a point, though," James said. "We should wait a few days, until Saturday at least, until we do it. That'll give them time to panic and us time to plan."

"Brilliant," Sirius said. "I was thinking that we should do something with the teachers. Any ideas?"

"Remember when we did that aging potion last year?" James said.

"We can't repeat anything, that isn't Marauder-y," Sirius said. "Use your brain, James! Think really hard."

"I was going to say, what if we spiked their drinks with something that would make them float or something?"

"Just make them float? That's third year material!"

"What about making their voices project with one of those charms?"

"Again, third year material."

"What if we did that spell- we might have used it second year, or at least looked it up- that would make the teacher sing opera and _then_ projected their voices?"

"That's a bit better, but if we did use it, we can't do repeat it."

"Maybe you should try looking in the library," Remus suggested. "There are loads of spells in there."

"Alright, then. That's your job for tonight," Sirius said. "In the meantime, James and I will keep thinking, and Peter will pass me the bacon."

Peter sighed and handed over the plate of bacon.

Transfiguration, History of Magic, Charms, and Divination all went on as usual. If not for the fragile tone of some of the teachers and the murmurs of the students, it would be impossible to tell that something had happened. Lunch was slightly better than breakfast. There were still the whispers about the attack, but intermingled were small conversations about less dark things.

"Everything will be fine by tomorrow or the day after," Sirius said on the way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The lesson proved him wrong.

Moody was standing in the front of the classroom when the class of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws took their seats.

"You've all heard about what happened last night, I assume," Moody said sharply. "Voldemort went after another one. Does anyone remember the curse that he used, not only in this attack, but in the past ones?"

Everyone knew, but no one seemed to want to say.

It was a full minute before Lily raised her hand slightly. "The killing curse."

"Yep." Moody looked around at them gravely. "Every time the Death Eaters Strike, it's always the killing curse. Hoover! What's the spell to block the killing curse?"

A Ravenclaw in the back of the room gave a start. "There- there isn't one."

"Exactly. In order to make it out of a situation where a curse like that is used, you can't use shield charms. _CONSTANT VIGILANCE!_"

The class jumped.

"We're going to talk about the technical points of the attack. Think how Dark Wizards think. Black, I saw you reading the paper this morning. Name one detail."

"The guy was a muggle rights activist."

"Yep. Jones, another."

Hestia didn't look as though she was enjoying being put on the spot. "Er, there were four people killed."

"Boot."

"It happened in Cornwall."

"Prewett."

Fabian and Gideon both started talking.

"He was killed in the front of the house-"

"The rest of the guy's family was murdered in the kitchen."

"Yep, and yep. Stein."

"The Dark Mark."

Moody nodded, writing the details on the chalkboard. "The Dark Mark. Do any of you remember what Thiez said in the article?"

A Ravenclaw raised her hand tentatively.

"Spinnet."

"Not all the attacks on muggles or muggleborns are marked."

"What else did he say?"

"When You Know Who sends it up it's to send a message."

Moody looked at the class carefully. "In the past two years, there have been forty reported attacks on muggles and muggleborns where the Killing Curse was used. Only six of them, starting earlier this year, have been marked. Many people at the Ministry do not believe that these attacks are all liked. However, there are connecting to them all, whether the Ministry sees them or not.

"The first link is the most obvious; muggles, muggleborns, or muggle supporters are always the victims. The second, also obvious; _Avada Kedavra._ The third; in homes. Never in public. Fourth; untraceable. There is no way to trace the users of the Killing Curse. Fifth; in England, Scotland, or Wales, all on the same landmass. There are more, but those are the most relevant.

"Now, take away these core factors. What is different about this attack? Evans."

"The rest of the family was killed," Lily said. "His daughters and wife."

"Yep. Now think. What message does this send?"

The room was silent.

Remus was the first to speak. "Voldemort won't discriminate between men, women, or children."

"And where did you get that?"

"He could have left the others, they weren't fighting him based on what the article said. That rules out the idea of him murdering anyone who gets in his way, target or not. It doesn't make sense to kill them unless it was for his entertainment or to prove a point. If it had been for entertainment, he wouldn't have sent up the mark."

The corners of Moody's lopsided mouth turned upward grimly. "Exactly. For your assignment, I want you to write a foot on the attack and the message behind it. Explain why the attack took place, why it is relevant in tracking Voldemort, and how it could have been prevented."

"Betting the answer to that one is 'constant vigilance,'" James muttered.

"Probably," Sirius agreed.

September ended with the school in a unnerved mood. Things had almost gone back to normal, but there was still the grim reminder of what was happening outside of Hogwarts. With their attention focused on the Daily Prophet, none of Hogwarts noticed the Marauders plotting.

"Remember how we did that game of Marco Polo?" James said. "What if we did a different game."

"A different game? What kind of other water games are there?" Sirius asked. "I only know that one."

"It doesn't have to be a water game," Remus said. "If we want to have it done by the weekend, we might have to come up with something else."

"I know!" Peter exclaimed. "What about that one game with the lava?"

"The Floor is Lava?"

"Yeah, that one. What if we put lava in the Great Hall-"

"Definitely not."

"We could charm the lava to not burn people or the tables," Sirius said. "Peter, you're a genius. How does the game work?"

Peter began explaining the rules to Sirius.

"Remus, your job is to find the spells to make the lava not burn stuff." James said. "Except for maybe Snivellus, he's fair game."

"Where do we plan on getting the lava?" Remus said. "I doubt you can find it just laying around at Hogwarts."

"Leave it to me," James grinned.

It took longer than anticipated.

After searching the library on Friday, Remus had found only one of the spells they would need.

"You took two hours!" Sirius said. "Why couldn't you find it?"

"The first one was a variant of the flame freezing charm, so it wasn't terribly hard, but the second charm, the one for the furniture was harder to find," Remus explained.

"There's a whole library of books. It should be easy to find it."

"Exactly. There's an entire library to check," Remus said.

"You can't take time to check the entire library, we've got to have it happen on Saturday," Sirius said.

"Well, mate," James said, "if you're so invested in the prank being done tomorrow, why don't go help?"

The only argument Sirius could make was, "It's the library! The only good part of it is the Restricted Section."

"Come on, it's terrible, but bearable."

"It has to be true because it rhymes," Remus said wisely.

Peter nodded from where he was enjoying a chocolate frog. "Rhymes are usually true."

"'Come on' doesn't rhyme with 'terrible' or 'bearable,'" Sirius argued.

James sighed. "That's not the important part, and anyway, it's not like you eating through Peter's candy stash is helping anyone."

"I would like to propose a vote," Remus said. "All Marauders in favor of Sirius staying and eating through Peter's candy stash, raise your hand."

Sirius was the only one to raise his hand.

"All Marauders in favor of enlisting him to help go through the library, raise your hand."

James, Remus, and Peter all raised their hands.

Sirius did not look excited.

"Can't I just help with the lava?" Sirius complained. He and Remus had been in the library for all of twenty minutes.

"I think we need a spell for that, too. James didn't say how we were getting any," Remus said, opening a thick book.

"He said he was going to get some from the Room of Requirement," Sirius said. "Here, is this the spell we need?" He slid the book toward Remus.

"No, that's just the flame freezing charm, we need a version that will work on lava and on furniture."

"So the same charm won't work?"

"No."

"Bugger."

The Marauders were finally ready on Monday night to set it up.

"Alright, let's get under the cloak. Sirius, we'll drop you and Peter off at the Room of Requirement. Remember, don't cast the spell until it's been at least a half hour. Remus and I will take care of the Great Hall, then come get you after." James threw the cloak over them.

"We won't be able to fit all of us under this for much longer," Peter noted, looking down. "It's barely covering my foot."

"That's because you're short and the rest of us are tall," James said. "Well, tallish. I don't think any of us have anything on that Hufflepuff in History of Magic."

"Still, if anyone sees us-"

"No one is going to see half of a shoe," Sirius said. "Come on."

With that, they left the dormitory.

The Marauders had a game to set up.


	7. The Floor Is Lava

Hogwarts was still in a grim mood Tuesday morning. As the whole of the castle went down to breakfast, no one suspected that they were in for something other than food and conversation.

That is, except for the Marauders.

"You're positive everything has been set up right?" Remus checked. "If we did anything wrong, someone could get hurt."

"Relax, Moony," Sirius said. "We're fine."

The Marauders sat down in their usual spots.

"Now," James said.

There was the soft mutter of an incantation, and it began.

_Welcome to Hogwarts' first ever competitive game of The Floor Is Lava, brought to you by the Marauders._

Everyone turned to look at the Marauders.

James and Sirius grinned.

"You should probably pay attention to the rules," James suggested.

Everyone turned back towards the writing.

_For those of you who already know the muggle game, it is very similar. There will be a countdown from three. When it hits zero, the floor turns to lava (in this case, literally) and you need to find a place to stand where you won't touch the floor. Should that happen, you will burn to a crisp and lose the game. As the game progresses, potential perches will sink into the lava. If you are on a piece of furniture when it sinks and you touch the lava, you lose. The winner earns immunity for their house from our next prank. Should a teacher win, their house will earn immunity. Should a teacher win and not have a house, they alone will win immunity. When you have gotten out, you may leave the Great Hall to change._

_The game will begin in…_

_Three…_

_Two…_

_One… _

When the countdown had begun, the Marauders had scrambled onto the table. A good number of others followed their lead.

_Now!_

Those who hadn't climbed onto a table or bench jumped, fell backwards, or froze in shock. Lava had begun spreading from the center of the Great Hall, creeping toward the students.

It reached the edge of the Hufflepuff table.

"We're all going to die!" a second year screeched.

Pandemonium broke out, and in the chaos, none of them noticed that the table was not on fire, nor were they.

By the time the Hufflepuffs realized that they might not die, the lava had spread throughout the whole hall.

The other houses began laughing.

Not for very long.

The first half of the Slytherin table sank into the lava.

The Slytherins began yelling loudly as they went down towards the lava, making even louder noises when they got closer to the bubbling orange substance.

"They sound like puhterydactols," Sirius noted. "Particularly Snivellus."

He wasn't wrong about Snape; he was shrieking louder than most of his classmates.

"What?" Remus said.

"You should know. Puhterydactols." At Remus' still confused expression, he elaborated, "The flying dinosaurs."

"You mean pterodactyls," Remus said.

"That's what I said!"

On the other side of the hall, the lava-bound Slytherins had stopped shrieking.

"It won't burn you," a first year announced, knee deep in lava. "It's just like being in a hot tub."

Majority of the Slytherins responded to this by jumping into the lava to remove themselves from the game, as did a number of people from the other houses.

"They can't just quit, can they?" James said.

Sirius shrugged. "Don't complain, mate. The more Slytherins that give up, the less of a chance that they'll win immunity."

"Good poin- oi! We're sinking, get to the other end of the table!"

The table shuddered beneath them.

The Gryffindors on the Marauders' half of the table hurried to crowd with the rest of their housemates that were sitting closest to the staff table.

Remus and Peter managed to make it to the safe half of the table. James and Sirius were not as lucky.

Lily stood in the middle of their path.

"Now would be a good time to step to the side, Evans," Sirius said. "You wouldn't let your future husband burn to a crisp, would you?"

"Potter isn't my future husband," Lily said cooly. "I'm more than happy to let him burn."

"But Evans, we're perfect together!" James insisted.

Lily glared at him.

"Look, Evans, maybe you'd let James burn, but me? Your favorite Marauder?" Sirius pleaded.

The table was now almost level with the lava.

"The only decent Marauders are Remus and Peter. You two are just-"

"Oi, Peter! Tell Evans to let us through!" James called down the table.

Peter sighed. "Why me?"

"Because she'll-"

James was interrupted by a loud shout.

"Oh! It burns! Evans, how could you! I'm dying!" Sirius yelled dramatically. The table had sunken into the lava, and he was now ankle deep.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Get on with it, then."

"Never! I refuse to-"

James, who had already given up, grabbed Sirius from behind and gave his shoulder a push.

He lost his balance and fell into the lava.

"James! You're supposed to be on my side!" Sirius said.

"I am!" James said. "You were too busy being dramatic to notice that the staff table is sinking. I had to get your attention."

Sirius looked up to the staff table.

It was almost completely submerged in lava. Most of the teachers had already given up, except or Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Flitwick.

Flitwick looked up and said something to Dumbledore, who nodded briskly and pulled out his wand.

He gave it a quick flick, and McGonagall floated across the lava to the non submerged part of the Gryffindor table.

"Hey! No magic allowed!" Sirius said.

"There was no rule against it, Mr. Black," McGonagall said briskly. "Mr. Pettigrew, Ms. Evans, step to the side, please, there are still two more teachers coming."

Flitwick made it across just in time. Dumbledore was not quite as lucky.

"I suppose that I'm out," he said matter-of-factly, looking down at the lava he was standing in. "Best of luck, Minerva, Filius. I daresay that you'd enjoy immunity for you and your students."

The game continued, only getting more competitive as more tables sank.

The Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables, as well as a bench from Hufflepuff, were the last few pieces of furniture to not sink.

The dozen Ravenclaws were huddled together, talking quickly and quietly. Flitwick and McGonagall were talking as well. The Gryffindors were watching the Ravenclaws, not attempting to work together. One of the Hufflepuffs was sharing a large piece of bacon with her remaining housemates.

The Ravenclaw table began to descend. Breaking from their huddle, the Ravenclaws pulled out wands.

"Partners!" someone yelled.

Half of the Ravenclaws were levitated across the gaping chasm to the Gryffindor table. Upon gaining their footing, they raised their wands and began levitating their fellow housemates.

Some of the Gryffindors were on the very edge of the table, centimeters from toppling off.

"There's not enough room for everyone," Hestia said, watching the incoming Ravenclaws.

Remus slipped his wand out. "Don't worry, we'll make room," he said lightly. Discreetly, he aimed at one of the Ravenclaws that was levitating her partner. "_Flipendo._"

The Ravenclaw was knocked off of the table, and her partner fell from the air, both landing in the lava.

"Remus! They could have gotten hurt!" Lily said.

"There's a cushioning charm on the floor," Remus shrugged. "I had a feeling people would be pushed."

Only four of the Ravenclaws got across successfully. The rest were knocked from the air or off the table.

Once down in the lava, they proceeded to aim their wands at the Gryffindors, sending a manner of hexes their way.

The table began to sink as the Ravenclaw table had. With nowhere to go, most of the Gryffindors gave up, deciding to jump into the lava and avoid some of the hexes still coming at them. Which meant-

_Congratulations, Hufflepuff! You have won The Floor Is Lava and immunity from the Marauders' next prank. _

The majority of the lava vanished and the tables became visible again, though now they were coated with lava.

_Thank you for playing, and enjoy the remainder of your day._

McGonagall turned to where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were standing. "Marauders-"

"Don't worry, Minnie! We'll clean it up," Sirius assured her.

"Do that, then," McGonagall said. "After Transfiguration, I want you four to come and see me."

"Everyone else- to your lessons!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "I suspect your first class will be a tad bit shorter after this excitement, and I'm sure you all want to get as much of your class work done before the end of the day."

The Great Hall cleared out quickly enough, and the Marauders began the cleanup.

"_Scourgify!" _James said, pointing his wand at the Gryffindor table. "Why isn't it working?"

"Probably because it's not meant for lava," Remus said. "Transfigure something into a cloth, we have to clean it off by hand."

James groaned. "You've got to be kidding me."

They finished midway through History of Magic. Rather than going to class, they took a trip to the kitchens.

"Can I have a bunch of biscuits?" Sirius asked when they got there.

"You're going to be having biscuits when we go to Minnie's office," Peter said.

Sirius continued as though he hadn't heard. "And some chicken, some chocolate, cake, and- what did you want again, James?"

"Butterbeer," James said.

"Yeah, and four butterbeers."

The house elves nodded quickly and hurried to bring them the food.

"Thanks," James said.

"Anytime, Messrs. Anything we can be doing to help," an elf squeaked happily.

"Well, mates," James said. "I think that went well."

"Yeah, Minnie enjoyed it, didn't she?" Sirius said, grabbing a biscuit.

"Of course she did, she loves our pranks!" James said.

"I don't know about that," Remus said.

"She does, and even if she doesn't, she loves me, so it's okay," Sirius decided.

Remus sighed. "I don't think she loves you, Sirius."

"Yes, she does. How dare you suggest otherwise?"

"Hufflepuff has immunity now," Peter said, changing the subject.

"That's fine," James said. "You know what that means."

Sirius grinned. "It's time to get the Slytherins."

James nodded. "Any suggestions?"

Once they had finished their food, they made their way to McGonagall's office.

"Have a biscuit," McGonagall said when they came in.

"Thanks, Minnie," Sirius said.

"And don't eat too many," McGonagall said. "I need them for other students as well."

"Alright, I won't eat more than six."

"Mr. Black-"

"So, Minnie, what are we here for?" Sirius helped himself to another biscuit.

"I'm sure you four know." McGonagall pursed her lips. "Using lava in the Great Hall was extremely dangerous. Someone could have gotten severely injured, or killed. For your carelessness, fifty points from Gryffindor."

The Marauders exchanged looks.

"We were really careful with all the charms, Professor," Remus said. "I double checked everything to make sure we did them right."

"However," McGonagall said, looking at them carefully, "the charms work was extremely precise and worked very well. For that, I'd say twenty points to Gryffindor."

"Come on, Minnie. It's worth at least thirty, right?" Sirius said.

"I wasn't finished, Mr. Black. I have also noticed that since your game this morning, people have seemed to be much more lighthearted. Fifteen points for providing them with a well needed distraction." McGonagall's lips twitched up at the corners, almost smiling. "Now, I expect you have another class to get to? I've only got a half hour until my next class, and I have papers to grade."

"Yeah. Thanks, Minnie," James said.

McGonagall sighed. "Go on, then. I'm sure Professor Flitwick would prefer you to be on time."

They left the office and began making their way to Charms.

"That wasn't too bad," James said. "Only five points, and even better- no detention!"

"Why would Minnie do something like that? She was impressed," Sirius said.

"I don't think impressed is the right word," Remus said.

"She smiled, didn't she? She never does that. That counts for something."

"Of course it does, but-"

"I wonder how many times we can get her to smile because of something we've done before we graduate," James said thoughtfully. "Let's start keeping track."

"We're already at two or three," Peter said.

"I bet we can make thirty," Sirius decided.

"Thirty five," James said.

"Alright. Three down, thirty two to go."


	8. Operation Lockout

"Are we supposed to be seeing something? Because all I'm getting is a bunch of fog."

"Probably means that there'll be fog tonight or something."

"I don't think that's how crystal balls work."

"Really? It's supposed to show the future, and it's showing us fog, so fog must be in the future."

"Well, I think that it-"

"Shh, she's coming over!"

The Marauders had been staring into the crystal ball they were sharing for the past five minutes, without much success.

Sirius looked to Remus triumphantly. "Watch as she tells me I'm right."

Scio had made her way to their table.

"What are you Seeing, Mr. Black?"

"A lot of fog tonight," Sirius said.

"Fog? My dear, there will be no fog tonight. If all you are seeing is fog, then you are not Seeing at all. Are the rest of you Seeing anything?"

James, Remus, and Peter shook their heads.

"That's alright. Often it takes years for Seers to train themselves to look into the Beyond. This is only your second month; it will take time," Scio said wisely, then turned to move on to another table.

"You were saying?" Remus prompted, looking to Sirius.

"Well, Scio foresaw that there wouldn't be fog, right? So maybe, I misread it, and it wasn't fog. Maybe it was mist." Sirius stared intently at the crystal ball for a minute before announcing, "It's mist, not fog, so technically-"

"Technically, mist and fog are the same thing."

"Are not!"

"Yes they are."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"N-"

"Mate," James interrupted, "the last time you had an argument like that, you lost. Quit while you're ahead."

"Why should I if I'm going to win?"

"Because you're not going to win, and if you quit while ahead, technically you're winning, and then if you're winning, Remus can't win, and then maybe we can save him from the fate of a large ego."

"Save me from the fate of a large ego?" Remus snorted. "I doubt that there's any room left in the dormitory for Peter and I to have any ego with the size of yours."

"My ego isn't that big!" James protested. "It's… reasonably sized."

"Whatever you say, James," Sirius said, nodding. "Well, I'm going to take his advice, so I win."

"If your forfeit, then I'm the only one left, which means I win," Remus said.

"That's not how it works! Right?"

James shrugged. "I forgot about the forfeiting thing. Remus wins, then."

"What? No! I call back in!"

"You forfeited, you can't get back in after that."

Sirius swore. "That's the last time I take your advice, James."

With the days begging to grow colder, Care of Magical Creatures was slowly growing to be less enjoyable. The last thing that the fourth years wanted to do was stand in the brisk wind taking notes.

A week or so into October, Kettleburn decided to make the lesson more enjoyable.

"Come on, this way!" He began the lesson by herding the students away from the castle and around the edge of the forest.

"He'd better not make us take notes on the different types of trees in the Forbidden Forest," James said.

"I don't think he will," Remus said. "We did that last week."

"I filled about a foot of parchment on that," Peter said. "I think that now I've got plenty of forest expertise."

James nodded. "I reckon you could start a tree farm with your forest expertise."

"A tree farm? Who would make a farm of trees?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know. The muggles do it."

"They do weird things all the time."

"True."

"Alright! Everyone gather around- slowly, we don't want to startle her!" Kettleburn called out. He had led them to a stone paddock, inside which was-

"What's that supposed to be?" Evan Rosier was unimpressed with the creature they beheld. "A turtle?"

"That, Evan, is a fire crab," Kettleburn said. "They're native to Fiji- bit of aways away."

"Definitely doesn't look English," Marlene McKinnon commented.

She was right- it looked a fair bit like an overly large, stone-gray tortoise. It probably could have passed for one, too, if not for its brightly colored jewel encrusted shell.

"We could buy out Zonko's with that," Sirius said, impressed. "That's got to be worth a lot."

"Quite right, Sirius. That's one of the reasons why they're a little harder to come by. They're often hunted for their shells- people like to turn them into cauldrons because of both their appearance and their durability." Kettleburn walked around to the paddock gate. "Can any of you tell me about their defense mechanism? Dorcas?"

"They shoot fire out of their… er, rear ends."

"Right! It makes them hard to sneak up on, but if you come from the front, they have time to turn and blast you. The best way to get near one is from the side, outside their range of vision, but out of their firing range. Watch me."

He climbed into the paddock.

The fire crab hadn't noticed; it was facing the other direction.

Kettleburn creeped around to its side quietly.

The fire crab turned, rear facing toward Kettleburn.

He backed up a little bit, then tried to step around.

The crab turned again, now facing Kettleburn.

Kettleburn turned around to the class. "See how she's seen me? If they catch sight of you, you need to back away. Otherwise, they feel threatened, and when they feel threatened-"

The crab had begun turning around.

"-they'll- ah!"

There was a jet of blue flames from the fire crab.

Kettleburn leapt out of the way, but not fast enough. His arm had been in the way of the flames and was smoldering. He calmly pulled his wand out, muttered an incantation, and the burn vanished. "That's what they'll do. Now, why don't you come a bit closer? It'll take her a minute or two to recharge."

The class took a few tentative steps towards the paddock.

"Can anyone tell me about their diet? Remus?"

Dinner that night went as it usually did. The Great Hall filled with conversation and Sirius filled his plate with chicken.

"So," Sirius said, carefully choosing a leg, "I was thinking that we'd better get on with pranking those Slytherins. Then we can get the rest of the school as soon as possible."

"But what are we going to do?" Peter asked.

"I don't know, but we'll come up with something. Didn't we already have a plan?"

"No," James said, "so it's of the utmost importance that we make one."

They sat thinking for a few minutes.

"What if we filled their common room with snakes?" Sirius suggested, grinning maniacally. "Poisonous snakes. Like… what kind of snakes are poisonous?"

"Snakes aren't poisonous, they're venomous," Remus said exasperatedly. "But it doesn't matter which snakes are venomous, because we aren't putting snakes in their common room."

"Why not?"

"We already put a snake in Umbridge's office the one time, that's too similar," James reminded him, "And anyway, isn't Regulus in Slytherin? I don't think he'd be thrilled if one of his mates was bitten by a cobra."

"Good point. But would it really be a waste if Snivellus was bitten by a snake?"

"No, we'd be doing them all a favor. Maybe for Snivellus we should make an exception."

"We're not making any exceptions," Remus said. "Any ideas that aren't mad?"

"We could fill their common room with bowtruckles," Sirius offered. "Or fire crabs. Or hinkypunks. Or chimeras. Or-"

"No."

"Come on! Those are good ideas!"

"Debatable."

"That isn't debatable! Peter doesn't think so! Right, Peter?"

Peter hesitated. "Well…."

"You two have lost your sense of humor," Sirius said. "At least James is with me."

"Actually, I was thinking that we could do something else," James said.

"_What?_"

"I thought the bowtruckles were more of a Minnie thing," James said.

"Oh, that makes sense. Minnie does have a thing for magical creatures."

"Since when?" Peter said.

"She approved of the ashwinders."

"That wasn't in her office."

"She still approved of them."

"What about changing their password? To get into their dorms?" James said.

"Brilliant!"

"We don't know how to get into their dorm," Remus said.

"The Room of Requirement," James and Sirius said.

"It can take us to the dorm while they're all in classes," Sirius said.

"And then," James continued, "we can leave through the door, figure out where it is, then come back and change the password. It's foolproof."

"Their common room is probably spelled to keep people from getting in that way," Remus said.

"We got into our dorm with the room, didn't we?" Sirius said. "Like James said, it's foolproof."

"If we were to do this… what would their new password be?"

"'Courtesy of the Marauders,' of course," James said. "Then they're stuck until they realize it was us."

"And then, with that being the password, we'll have claimed it," Sirius said.

"And then the Hufflepuffs are no longer immune," James continued.

"We can call it Operation Lockout," finished Sirius.

"Well," Remus said, barely containing a grin, "we should do the research on how to change the password before we do anything else."

"Hypothetically," Peter said.

"Yes, of course this is hypothetical," James said, nodding. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Library after dinner, then?" Sirius grabbed another piece of chicken.

"Did you just suggest going to the library?" Remus looked at him carefully. "Are you sure that you're Sirius Black and not some imposter?"

"Who else would I be? Evans? Desperate times call for desperate measures, like the library," Sirius shrugged.

"Because pranking the Slytherins is, without a doubt, desperate."

"Exactly. Glad you understand, Moony. So, are we doing it?"

"What else are we supposed to do?" James said.

"We could fill the Charms room with bubbles," Peter said.

"That's not a bad idea," Sirius said, "but the Slytherins are coming first. We've been letting them off far too easy."

Dinner ended, and the Marauders left quickly to head to the library.

They found a table in a back corner. Once they had settled, Remus, Sirius, and James headed off to find books while Peter saved them the table.

While the three of them were off, a small group of Ravenclaw second years selected a table not far away from the one Peter was at, intending to study for some sort of test. Then they noticed Peter.

When one saw the Marauders in the library, they knew that they were planning something. Something that likely involved explosions, mischief, and absolute chaos.

This was only one of them, though.

They would be fine. Hopefully.

Then, not ten minutes later, the rest of them appeared, each carrying a small stack of books.

They began whispering amongst themselves.

One of the Marauders looked up.

"It's not for you lot, you're immune anyway!" Sirius said.

"Hufflepuff is immune, not Ravenclaw," James said.

"Oh. Well, point is, it's not for you."

The Ravenclaws turned back to their books, still whispering.

"First years," Sirius muttered.

"I think they're second years," James said.

"Same difference. Remus, I nominate you to go through the history stuff about Hogwarts. Peter, you get to read about Slytherin. James and I'll look at spells."

They got to work quickly.

They made it through two books before Madame Prince kicked them out.

"You're being far too loud! This is a library!" she hissed at them.

"We're being quieter than them!" Sirius protested, pointing at the Ravenclaws. "Aren't you going to ki-"

"Shhh! Out! You're disrupting this environment!"

"But-"

"Shhhh!"

"You know what," James said once they were out, "We haven't pranked Prince since first year."

"What did we do in first year?" Peter said.

"We made a bunch of books fly around. She wasn't all that happy."

"Oh, that."

"We'll put her on the list," Sirius decided. "Right after the Slytherins."

"We have a list?"

"Yeah," James said. "It's like the Marauder hit list, only it has a priority order from one to ten, with names and the plan."

"I've never seen that list," Remus commented.

"It's in the cover of my History of Magic book," Sirius said. "I'll show it to you two later."


	9. Gryffindor and Slytherin

The first Quidditch match of the season was Gryffindor against Slytherin. It had approached quickly, and the rivalry between the two houses seemed to have doubled overnight.

Part of it, of course, could be attributed to the match. There was also the fact that the Slytherins had been unable to get into their common room for almost a day, courtesy of the Marauders.

The week of the match began with James being hexed while walking to Potions. This had resulted in James sprouting leeks from his ears, and Barty Crouch being hung up on one of the torch brackets with blue skin by an angry Sirius. Following this was a set of detentions from McGonagall for both Sirius and Crouch.

Thursday, on the way back from practice, Hallie Klosse was ambushed, and left the encounter with a blue, forked tongue.

The Gryffindor team weren't the only ones being hexed, though. Walden Macnair, the burly seventh year beater, went to the Hospital Wing to have Madam Pomfrey remove a large number of puss oozing boils from various parts of his body. Their seeker was also seen running through the corridors in that direction, shouting about his hair, which had been hexed to writhe around like snakes.

Then there were all of the Gryffindors and Slytherins who, despite not being part of either Quidditch team, decided that the upcoming match was an excellent excuse to hex each other. Between Monday and Friday, Madam Pomfrey saw a total of thirty seven Gryffindors and twenty nine Slytherins that needed to have hexes removed.

All in all, it was not a good week for either house.

Everyone seemed to be relieved when dinner ended on Friday, marking the beginning of the weekend.

The next morning, the school was down at breakfast early. The match was set to start at nine, and no one was planning on missing it.

The Marauders had barely started breakfast when Hallie came up to James.

"The team has to be at the pitch in twenty minutes," she said. "I'm going to check conditions now."

"But I just started eating!" James complained as she walked away. "How am I supposed to have a decent breakfast in fifteen minutes?"

"Maybe by not talking," Remus offered.

"That would be an improvement," Lily said. She had taken a seat next to Remus and across from Marlene.

"Oi! My talking is brilliant," James said.

"Sixty percent of the time," Remus said. "Forty percent is quite a bit of non-brilliant talking."

"I don't know what you mean. At least ninety percent of my talking is brilliant," James said stubbornly. "Right, Sirius?"

"Yeah," Sirius said sagely, "but not quite as brilliant as mine."

"You and Potter are at about the same place," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"It's okay that you can't recognize intelligence, Evans," Sirius said sincerely. "You'd have to have some to do that."

"She has a bit more intelligence that you two combined at times, I think," Remus said dryly.

"You don't know what you're talking about. McKinnon, pass the rolls."

Marlene passed the rolls, then turned to talk with Alice.

James had left only a few minutes later to head down to the pitch. Not long after he had gone, Frank Longbottom hurried over to where Sirius, Peter, and Remus were seated.

"Oi! Black!"

Sirius turned. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"It's not about something you did," Frank said. "Unless you're planning something, in which case I'd like to ask you to leave me out of it."

"No guarantees," Sirius said. "But if you're not here to accuse me of something, what are you here to do?"

"I need someone to sub for me at the match," Frank said. "I've already talked to McGonagall- she said that it's fine, so long as you focus on the match don't go on about who's snogging who. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, I just want to finish breakfast first."

"You don't have time- you've got to be down there in a few minutes."

"Alri- a few minutes?"

Frank was already leaving the Great Hall.

"You have more time than James did," Remus pointed out.

Sirius muttered something under his breath, shoveled down what was left on his plate, and then ran out of the hall.

"Do you think he'll make it?" Peter asked.

Remus shrugged. "Probably not. We should probably finish up and head down, though. The game should be starting in just a few minutes, and it'll go on whether it's got a commentator or not."

Peter nodded.

Down at the pitch, the Gryffindor team, clad in their scarlet robes, were huddled in the changing rooms for their pregame talk.

"Alright. This is going to be a bit of a challenging game," Hallie said. "Their Beaters are really strong this yea- Macnair is new, and then some new bloke, Goyle, is taking over Keeper, Highland is Seeker now. Macnair is on the team, too. Same Chasers. I think that we'll be able to pull it off, regardless of who's new; if they're new, they likely haven't been flying for quite as long. Remember what we've been working on. They haven't been practicing to face us this year- they're going based off of last year. Ready?"

The team gave a collective nod.

"Let's go, then."

They entered out onto the pitch to a thunder of applause.

About two thirds of the stands were filled with scarlet and gold attire. The other third sported bright emerald green and dark silver.

Across the pitch, the Slytherin team was striving towards them. They met in the middle, waiting for some sort of introduction. None came.

They stood there for a minute or so before Madam Hooch finally instructed the captains to shake hands.

Hallie and Nott shook, each looking as though they were trying to break the others fingers.

"Mount your brooms," Hooch said.

The two teams mounted their brooms.

Hooch let the snitch loose, then raised her whistle, when-

"Alright! Welcome to our first Quidditch match this season!"

James glanced up to see Sirius in the commentators box, looking slightly out of breath.

"Playing for Slytherin, we've got Nott, Rosier, Bulstrode, Cox, Macnair, Goyle, and Highland."

There was a roar of approval from the Slytherin section.

Sirius continued, now sounding more enthusiastic, "For Gryffindor, we have Klosse, Potter, Liecht, Albatram, Finley, Rowsey, and Ominer!"

There was another roar, this time from the Gryffindor supporters.

"Captains, shake hands!"

"They've already done that, which you would know if you had been on time," McGonagall said.

"He didn't tell me I was commentating until five minutes ago!" Sirius protested.

"That match, Mr. Black," McGonagall sighed.

"Right you are, Minnie."

There was a shrill sound as Hooch blew her whistle.

The players shot off into the air.

"And they're off! It's Potter with the Quaffle, he passes to Liecht, Leicht to- wait, no, it's been stolen by Bulstrode, Bulstrode to Nott, Nott to Rosier. They're heading for the goalposts Rosier throws- yes! Saved by Maria Rowsey of Gryffindor! She's thrown it to Klosse, Gryffindor in possession..."

The Chasers sped down the pitch towards the Slytherin goalposts.

Hallie passed the Quaffle to James.

He caught it, nearly slamming into one of the Slytherin Chasers.

"Oi!" Nott said. "Watch it!"

James didn't reply, he passed the ball to Lucas.

"Little bit of background on the Slytherin Keeper while the Chasers are making their way up the pitch," Sirius said. "This is Goyle's first year on the team. He's also been failing D.A.D.A for the entirety of his six years at Hogwarts. That can be expected, though, for someone with less than three brain cells."

There were a few laughs from the Gryffindor section. McGonagall, however, was unimpressed.

"Mr. Black, that was completely unnecessary! Control yourself, or you will not be able to comment on any further games!"

Sirius grinned cheekily. "Sorry, Minnie. Just seemed like a need to know fact. Back to the game. It's Leicht with the ball, he's going for the shot!"

Lucas threw the ball through the right hoop.

"He scores! Guess you need brain cells to play Keeper, too. Ten to zero for Gryffindor!"

"Mr. Black, I'm warning you-"

"Right. Rosier with the Quaffle, Nott, Rosier, Nott, Rosier, Nott again. They must not like Bulstrode, he hasn't had the ball yet. Nevermind, he's got it now. They're almost there, come on, James, steal!"

James was right next to Nott.

Nott raised his arm to throw back to Rosier.

He lunged for the Quaffle, missing by barely a quarter of an inch.

Rosier caught the ball, then whirled around to throw it to Bulstrode.

There was a crack as a bludger collided with Bulstrode's extended arm.

"Great bludger work by Finley- it's too bad that this is his last year, he's really improved since his first year on the team. There was the one time when-"

"Mr. Black, this is your last warning!"

Sirius went back to the match. "Liecht with the Quaffle, he passes to Klosse, Liecht, Potter, Klosse, Potter, Leicht, Klosse, she throws- bugger!"

This time, Goyle managed to block it.

The Slytherin Chasers began speeding back to the Gryffindor goalposts.

Bulstrode passed it to Rosier, then Rosier to Nott, Nott back to Rosier, Rosier threw it towards the center hoop-

James groaned.

"Ten to ten, now." Sirius did not sound happy. "Gryffindor in possession, heading to try and reclaim their lead."

The match went on, back and forth between the teams. Neither seemed to be able to get much of a lead on the other, nor did the seekers seem to be able to find the Snitch.

"One hundred ten, Gryffindor, and one hundred for Slytherin! Gryffindor is pulling ahead again! Bulstrode to Nott, Nott to- stolen by Potter of Gryffindor, he passes to Leicht, to Klosse, and back to Potter again-"

James had the Quaffle gripped tightly under one arm as he flew down the pitch. He was only twenty yards away from the hoops when something whizzed last his ear.

"Cox hits a bludger towards Potter and misses. That's okay, though, Cox. I can tell you've been practicing instead of snogging. It's always good to see improvement."

Cox shouted something at Sirius, making a rude sign towards the box.

Sirius returned it.

"That's enough, Mr. Black. You're out."

Sirius turned to McGonagall. "What?"

"You're out. Longbottom will have to find another person to sub for him when he is unable to commentate the games from here on out."

"But Minnie! I'm just making it interesting!"

McGonagall gave him a stern look. "However, seeing as there is no one here to take your place, you may finish the match."

"But-"

"The match, Mr. Black."

"Okay. Well, it's Potter with the Quaffle, Leicht, Klosse, Leicht, Klosse, Potter…. He throws and scores! Nice one, James! Slytherin in possession, Rosier to Bulstrode, Bulstrode to Nott- nevermind them, Ominer and Highland have seen the snitch!"

Andrew and Highland were racing towards the Slytherin goalposts towards a tiny fleck of gold.

James didn't watch; Nott had stopped to glance at the seekers and wasn't paying attention. The Quaffle was poised to be thrown, but hadn't been yet.

He got there in time to snatch the Quaffle from Nott, speeding towards the hoops as Nott chased after him.

Lucas and Hallie followed, tailed closely by Bulstrode and Rosier.

James threw the ball to Lucas.

There was a loud crack. Someone had been hit by a bludger.

James didn't stop to see what it was, they were halfway to the hoops.

"Ominer's been hit by Macnair, giving Highland the lead, he's almost to the snitch, come on, Ominer!"

Andrew's left arm was limp as he hurried to catch up with the Slytherin seeker. They were neck and neck. Andrew began to pull forward. They extended their arms, and then-

"He's done it!" Sirius exclaimed. "Ominer's done it, he caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins, two hundred seventy to one hundred Slytherin! Take that, you bloody-"

McGonagall tugged the microphone away from him.


	10. Tension

The party that followed in the Gryffindor Common Room was loud and long. Food was brought up from the kitchens by the Prewett Twins with the help of Remus, Sirius, and Peter. James had stayed in the Common Room talking with Hallie about the match.

It was only an hour or so before dinner that the Common Room began to quiet down as people headed down to the Great Hall for more food or to the library to study.

Gryffindor House's euphoria lasted for the next week. It might have gone on longer if not for the headline in the Daily Prophet that appeared.

**Auror Dead After Ministry Attempt to Catch You Know Who**

The Great Hall had quieted almost instantly when the owls beating the Prophet had come. They didn't need to read the article to know what happened. The picture was unusually still. Unusually still not because it wasn't enchanted, but because it was a picture of a body.

The witch stared lifelessly past the camera, wand slack in her hand. There was a trickle of blood that had dripped from her pale lips, and there was an unnatural look to the way she was laying.

The photograph was too much. It said too much. But it didn't stop some of the braver students from looking down to scan the article, which read:

_A hideout of You Know Who and the Death Eaters was located by a group of Aurors on Friday night, in Birmingham. In an attempt to capture or kill Death Eaters or You Know Who himself, ten fully trained and qualified Aurors entered the hideout. _

_A total of about twenty Death Eaters were there, most of whom were able to Apparate out or escape. Only three, caught unawares, were brought into the Ministry. However, before being bound, one managed to hit one of the Aurors with an unknown dark curse._

_Esmeralda Macdonald was trained extensively in combat and was one of the youngest Aurors to be part of the strike force. Graduating from Hogwarts in 1954, Macdonald underwent the Ministry Training quickly, officially finishing as the top of her class. She is survived by her husband, Paul, and daughter-_

No one read beyond there. They were interrupted by a loud, blood curdling scream from the Hufflepuff table.

Mary Macdonald had seen the paper.

Sprout hurried over to her from the head table and took her arm gently. "Come on, Mary, put that down. Let's head up to the Hospital Wing."

Mary shook her head numbly. She was clutching the paper so hard that her hand was turning white.

Sprout carefully peeled her fingers off of it and spoke quietly in her ear, too softly for anyone else to hear.

Mary nodded feebly and allowed Sprout to help her stand.

"That's a girl."

The moment the left the room, the Great Hall exploded into whispers.

"Killed an Auror-"

"-can't believe it-"

"Mary's mum-"

"We're all going to die!"

"-supposed to be impossible-"

"-hasn't happened since Grindelwald-"

"If You Know Who's more powerful than-"

"We're doomed!"

"_Silence!"_

The hall quieted.

Dumbledore stood and said gravely, "I would like all of you to head to your Common Rooms until further notice. I need to speak with a few members of the faculty and with the Ministry. Your head of House will come and tell you when you are allowed to leave."

The Gryffindor Common Room, which had only a week ago, been filled with cheerful conversation, was now silent and tense. The quiet was broken only by reassuring murmurs from the upper years to the first years.

The boys could tell that they didn't believe what they were saying.

They stood next to the portrait hole, exchanging glances, but not daring to whisper amongst themselves. There was nothing to say. The elephant was in the room, folded from the front page of the Prophet and the size of the Common Room.

Its presence had suffocated the Gryffindors' desire to speak. It had taken the breath from their lungs and the oxygen from the castle.

The Common Room stayed suffocated, silenced, and tensed for longer than they bothered to count. It felt something like a day. In reality, it was only an hour and thirteen minutes before McGonagall entered Gryffindor Tower.

All at once, the silence vanished as everyone began clamoring, asking questions, and crowding towards the portrait hole.

"Quiet, all of you!"

The cacophony stopped as quickly as it started.

McGonagall looked around at everyone grimly. "After the… events... at breakfast today, the Ministry has decided that those students with a subscription to the Daily Prophet will receive an edited version, which will not contain any articles on the movements of the Death Eaters or You Know Who-"

"That's rubbish!" Fabian Prewett exclaimed.

"Be that as it may, Mr. Prewett, the Daily Prophet is run by Ministry officials." She pursed her lips. "They have every right to censor news, however much we don't like it. Because of this, Professor Moody will be keeping his eye on the Prophet and will relay any information that he sees fit to relay. On top of this, classes have been canceled on Monday."

McGonagall paused. "I know that you've all been shocked by what has happened. An Auror has not been killed on duty for years, much less by another wizard. I wish that I could tell you that these types of things do happen, and it is nothing to worry about, but I cannot. However, I will ask that you leave the worrying to the teachers." She looked around at them again. "Lunch will start early, for those of you who have not eaten."

McGonagall turned and left the Common Room. Then, the Gryffindors began whispering amongst themselves.

"It's just like last time, isn't it?" Remus said quietly.

"Like with Grindelwald?" James asked.

"Who else would it be? Who was the last pureblooded bastard who liked murdering people and starting a wars?" Sirius said dryly.

"You think there'll be a war?" Peter said nervously.

"Probably. McGonagall didn't exactly tell us everything was going to be alright, did she?" James shrugged.

"Well, it's only a matter of time before they catch him. He can't run from the whole Ministry," Remus said.

Sirius shook his head. "And if he can? We're not at war yet, but it's coming. Sooner or later, but it's coming."

The castle kept its unnatural hush until Tuesday, when classes resumed. The grim tension, however, remained.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was the class that the Marauders and the other Gryffindor fourth years were most anxious for. Moody would have information about Voldemort. Knowing Moody, he wouldn't leave any details out.

The Marauders left lunch early. It was a mark of how desperately they wanted the news that Sirius didn't protest when James decided it was time to go before he was done eating.

It seemed that a large portion of their D.A.D.A class had had the same idea. Almost half of the desks were filled when they got to the classroom.

When Moody came in fifteen minutes later, Alice shot up her hand.

"Since Saturday there has been one attack," he said briskly, not even bothering to call on her. "It was _not_ claimed, but the attacker used the Cruciatus Curse before finally killing the man. He was in his mid thirties, muggleborn with a muggle wife and a son, both of whom were also found dead." He turned to look at Alice. "Does that answer your question?"

Alice nodded mutely.

"Good. Now, I don't approve of the Ministry censoring your papers. You need to know _what_ you're up against, you need to know _how _to combat it, and you need to have _CONSTANT VIGILANCE!_" Moody growled.

The class sat motionless, waiting for him to continue.

"That is why," Moody said, "this class will be progressing much more quickly than the Ministry would like. Everyone stand up, wands out!"

The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws stood up hastily.

Moody flicked his wand, and the desks flew to the sides of the classroom.

The class exchanged glances.

"Black! How would you block an unforgivable curse?"

"Er- you can't block one," Sirius said.

"Right. So, how do you avoid being hit by one?" Moody's mechanical eye was twitching.

"Get out of the way. Or, you know, don't go and hang out with Death Eaters."

A few people laughed nervously.

"Do it," Moody instructed.

Sirius looked quite confused. "Do wha- bloody hell!" He dove out of the way as Moody sent a spell at him.

Moody missed him narrowly, instead hitting the wall behind where Sirius had been standing.

"What'd you do that for?" Sirius yelped.

"Teaching," Moody said harshly, then fired a spell off at a Ravenclaw.

"That's not teaching, that's-"

Marlene was cut off as one of Moody's spells hit her. She slammed into the desk behind her with a loud crash.

Many of the students gave a shout, whether in disbelief, concern, or fear.

Moody continued to fire off spells for the next few minutes. By the time he had finished, over a third of the students had been hit and were sporting boils, cuts, or broken bones.

"Your homework is a shield charm. Review them. Practice them. Extra credit if you practice jinxes and hexes as well. Next lesson we'll be using wands," Moody said. "Those of you who are capable of walking, help your less fortunate classmates to the Hospital Wing. Class dismissed."

The students wasted no time heading for the door, whispering to each other.

"He's brilliant," Sirius said as they left the room. "But mental. Definitely off his rocker."

"Hexing everyone? That's not brilliant," James said. He was limping, and was clearly uncomfortable.

"You're only saying that because you got hit," Sirius shrugged.

"I'm saying it because he _hexed _me. And he's the second teacher we've had that's used magic on students. Isn't that against the rules?" He turned to Remus for confirmation.

Remus nodded. "Technically, but-"

James interrupted him. "No technicalities, it's against the rules."

"Well, if it's for a practical lesson, in some cases it's allow-"

"I said no technicalities," James said.

The boys began descending one of the staircases.

"Why'd they decide to put the Hospital Wing on the second floor?" James complained.

"Probably because they usually have more injuries in Care of Magical Creatures, or in Flying for the first years," Remus reasoned. "Not so much from the classes on the upper levels."

"But what about the people who get injured on the third floor? Or the fourth?"

"They have to suck it up," Sirius said matter of factly. "Surely the inspiring James Potter can do that?"

"Yes, but-"

"You do have a point, though. What if someone breaks their leg on the way to Divination up in the North Tower? There's no way that they could get down here. Unless the castle had alligators!"

"Alligators? Alligators would just make sure that they never got down to the Hospital Wing," James said.

"No, they'd help!" Sirius said earnestly. "They'd carry the kid down-"

"I think that they would eat the kid instead," Peter said.

Sirius stared at them. "No, they wouldn't. Stairs don't eat people."

James, Peter, and Remus stared back.

"Are you talking about escalators?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, those things! The muggles have them in stores, and they move them down the stairs," Sirius nodded.

"Escalators," Peter said. "That's better than alligators."

They had made it to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey was waiting outside its double doors.

She didn't seem surprised when a large portion of the D.A.D.A. class crowded into the corridor.

"Alastor told me that there'd likely be a few of you coming in," she grumbled while she set about patching the fourth years up. "But using jinxes in a classroom! I've had to deal with at least two dozen broken bones in the past five hours alone, as well as missing bones! I haven't the slightest idea what Dumbledore was thinking when he hired him."

The Gryffindors barely made it to Potions on time, many of them still limping slightly or with faint spots where their boils had been.

Slughorn started the lesson with only a laugh when he saw them. "A quarter of my classes have been late because of those lessons. I'm glad that you lot had the sense to stay out of the way and make it here on time. That's more than I can say for my fifth year Hufflepuffs, they were all a half hour late…."


	11. Halloween

Moody's next lessons went the same way. Nearly every one of his classes ended in the majority of the students headed to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey waited for them. The only good thing that came of this was the lack of homework. He hadn't set an essay since the Friday before Mary Macdonald's mother had been killed.

"You know what?" James said a week into Moody's new approach, "I almost miss our homework from that class."

"You miss _homework_?" Sirius was incredulous. "Remus corrupted you, didn't he? Peter, remind me to talk to Remus about this when he gets back from dealing with his furry little problem. In the meantime, James, I think that we need to get your priorities straight."

"What do you mean, get my priorities straight?" James said. "My priorities are straight, right, Peter?"

"Well, it's nice not having homework, but I think that I'd prefer it to being hexed every lesson," Peter said.

"Not you too!" Sirius said. "Now I have to get your priorities straight _and _James'."

"How do you plan on getting our priorities straight if they're fine already?" James said.

"I was thinking that Halloween is in a few days," Sirius said, "and it would be a very un-Maraudery if Hogwarts went without a prank. But, if you and Peter are wanting to do homework and other swotty stuff, then you might not be up to something like that. So we might have to start small and just go after some unlucky Slytherins instead."

"Why would we go after Slytherins when we could go after everyone?" James said.

"Because you and Peter can't be wanting to do homework and prank the whole school at the same time," Sirius said.

"Remus does that," Peter pointed out.

Sirius waved his point off. "Remus is an exception."

"How come he gets to be an exception?"

"Because his job is to be a nerd. Yours isn't. Your job is… supplying food to inspire our brilliant minds, and James' is- what's your job James?"

"Marrying Evans," James said.

"Unsuccessfully fawning after Evans," Sirius nodded sagely. "Mine is simply being the All Powerful Sirius Black. And getting your priorities straight. So, in order to do my job, I need you two to solemnly swear that mischief making is your top priority, and that homework is an activity for rule followers that you want to part in. Then we can start thinking about the prank."

James held up his hand. "I, James Potter, solemnly swear that it is my intention to break as many rules as Marauderly possible, and to renounce any intentions of doing homework. There, is that good enough for you?"

"For now. Peter?"

"Er, I, Peter Pettigrew, swear that I won't ask for homework, and use the time that. could do homework for Marauder things instead."

"Good enough. Well, what should we do?"

The planning began.

The next few days brought news of another attack, sending the school into nervous silence again, as well as more intense lessons in Defense Against the Dark Arts, which quickly went from being the most anticipated class to the most dreaded. Their other classes didn't change, only the teachers did. They were almost always on edge or distracted, with the exception of McGonagall.

"Mr. Black, the rest of your teachers may be preoccupied enough to allow you and Mr. Potter to talk in their lessons, but you will not receive the same courtesy here," she said briskly. "Please at least try to pay attention."

"Sure thing, Minnie," Sirius said enthusiastically. "You won't hear another word out of me or James!"

"I'm glad. Now, as I was saying, in order to make the transfiguration from nonliving to living…."

Sirius leaned over to whisper to James. "For Halloween, we should definitely use the-"

"Didn't you say that you would stop talking with Mr. Potter during this lesson?" McGonagall asked, turning towards Sirius.

Sirius nodded in confirmation.

"Then please, do that so I can teach this lesson." With that, she turned back towards the board to continue.

Next hour, History of Magic made up for McGonagall's lack of talking tolerance. Peter indulged himself in a nap, Remus set about taking notes, and James and Sirius continued to plan their Halloween prank, which James had declared would "be our best one yet."

At long last, it was the night before Halloween. Covered (except for their feet, which caused a fair bit of nervousness on Remus and Peter's parts) by the invisibility cloak, the Marauders made their way to the Great Hall.

Had someone happened to walk down the main corridor, they would have stumbled upon four pairs of legless feet, and a very strange conversation regarding bats, Dracula, Slytherins, and seating arrangements. Fortunately, no one did, and James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were left to their setup with no interruptions.

The next morning, the boys left the dormitory in a hurry for breakfast, which didn't go unnoticed by Lily. She eyed them carefully.

"Lovely morning, isn't it, Evans," Sirius said cheerfully.

"That depends on if you lot are plotting something," Lily said. She gave them a knowing look. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" James said, putting on his most innocent expression. "We've been behaving all week! What makes you think that we'd stop now?"

"You're all excited about something," she said matter-of-factly, "which doesn't happen unless you've got something planned or gone after Severus."

Sirius opened his mouth, likely to thank Lily for her excellent suggestion to hex Snape. "That's brillia-"

"Hogsmeade is today," Remus supplied, cutting him off.

"Speaking of Hogsmeade, Evans," James started, "would you-"

"No," Lily said coolly. "I'd rather go out with the giant squid."

Sirius gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

"You don't really mean that, do you?" said James. "Evans, you are my one true love and the reason-"

"Save it, Potter," said Lily.

Sirius grinned. "Tough luck, mate. Peter, would you pass the toast?"

The streets of Hogsmeade were practically devoid of residents, all of whom were either hurrying from shop to shop nervously, or not out at all. Every other time the Marauders had been there, the streets had been full of life and excitement, bustling with witches and wizards. Now, only a few dozen students roamed the village. Much of the school had opted to stay within the Hogwarts grounds after the attack last week, which had been significantly closer to the school.

The Marauders surveyed the main street.

"So, where to first?" James asked.

"Zonko's," Sirius decided. "I need more dungbombs."

The shop was much less crowded than usual, which none of the boys complained about; it made surveying the shelves much easier. Within half an hour, they were on their way to Honeydukes. While it was more crowded at Honeydukes than Zonko's, the shop still felt empty. By the late morning, the boys were back at the castle, which felt much more alive.

"Do we have to wait until the feast?" Peter asked.

"We've been planning this for approximately-" Sirius did a quick calculation "-eight and a half days. We need it to be an even nine."

"Nine isn't an even number, though," Peter pointed out.

"It's more even than eight and a half," James said.

"Technically, they're both equally uneven," Remus said.

"No one cares about technicalities," Sirius said, waving off Remus. "Or maths. Anyway, my point still stands. We have to wait until dinner. Also, everyone'll be at the feast, not everyone goes to lunch. Chess, anyone"

No one could argue with him there, since there was a group of seventh year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs that holed up in the library at lunch times instead of eating. So, James accepted Sirius' challenge, and the boys settled in to play and watch.

"Don't move your knight there," Remus advised, looking at the board.

"Screw you, Moony, I'll do what I want. Knight to G3. And I have a plan," Sirius said, moving his knight in front of James' queen.

"Well, that was stupid. Queen to G3," James said. "Thanks."

Sirius grinned maniacally. "You're welcome. Bishop to-"

James swore.

"-G3."

"Now I'm down a queen! Not fair!"

"War is never fair, James," Sirius said sagely. "Are you going to move or not?"

James muttered something unflattering under his breath, then instructed one of his pawns to move.

They played three more games before Peter suggested that they head down to the kitchens. James and Sirius readily agreed, Remus shrugged, and so they found themselves requesting food from the house elves, who were more than happy to oblige. After they had eaten, they headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

The hours melted by, each one seeming to take longer than the last, until it was time for the feast.

The Marauders took their seats in the Great Hall with the rest of the school as the feast began.

The floating candles had been replaced with jack o'lanterns, and the ceiling was covered in stars.

Dumbledore stood briefly to wish the school a happy Halloween, then announced that they would have entertainment from the Headless Hunt before they ate, which consisted of flying heads and a rather interesting Hamlet reenactment.

When they finished, the hall filled with the sounds of clanking utensils and chatter for about twenty minutes, before the Marauders shared looks, and discreetly slipped their wands out under the table.

No one noticed. Conversations continued uninterrupted until-

At the head table, McGongall vanished. The teachers and a few students stared at where she had disappeared, then gave a shout as a bat flew out from her seat.

Then, at the Slytherin table, another student was transfigured into a bat. Then at Hufflepuff. Another Slytherin. Ravenclaw. Gryffindor.

The Great Hall broke out in chaos. Some people were shrieking as the bats flew around their heads. Others were the bats. Some students were staring at the Marauders suspiciously, who were sharing grins as they surveyed the pandemonium.

Dumbledore pulled out his wand and flicked it towards the bat that had been McGonagall, then set about setting the students right. The students all seemed disoriented as they melted back into themselves. The Marauders paid no attention to them, they were looking at McGonagall.

"Oh no." James hid his wand as McGonagall strode, lips thinner than they had ever seen, towards them.

"What on earth were you thinking?" she demanded.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I didn't know you were a vampire, Minnie," Sirius said, then turned to the others. "Did any of you know?"

"Of course not," James said.

Peter shook his head quickly.

"Remus? Did you know?" Sirius asked.

Remus sighed, then shook his head.

Sirius turned back to McGonagall and said sincerely, "Don't worry, it doesn't change anything between us, Minnie."

McGonagall stared at him for a second, then continued scolding them lividly. "Mr. Black, do you realize that you could have seriously injured your classmates if you had done it incorrectly? Human transfiguration can go horribly wrong and it is extremely complex and difficult, especially for those who haven't been properly taught how to do it yet. Did any of you have any idea how irresponsible this was?"

"Since when have we been responsible?" James said.

He and Sirius were still grinning. Remus looked guilty. Peter was frozen.

"Detention for the rest of the month, all of you," McGonagall said.

"Thanks, Minnie," Sirius said. "One night won't be that bad."

"Then detention for the rest of the month, detention for the first two weeks of the next, and fifty points from Gryffindor." She looked at them sternly. "You can serve yours for tonight cleaning the Owlery. Without magic."

"Without magic?" James said, aghast.

"Without magic," McGonagall confirmed. "In fact, I will take your wands to ensure that you don't use magic."

"You don't trust us, Minnie? After all this time?"

"What do you think the answer to that is, Mr. Black?"

"Yes?"

"Your wands, please."

They surrendered their wands.

"Mr. Filch should be in his office. Go see him to collect cleaning supplies."


	12. The List

Who makes someone clean the Owlery without magic?" Sirius grumbled.

The boys had been cleaning since they had disrupted the feast, around eight thirty or so. Now, it was nearing one o'clock.

"McGonagall, that's who," James said.

"Minnie wasn't in her right mind," Sirius said. "Otherwise she wouldn't've. She was probably in shock since we figured out she was a vampire. Speaking of which-" he turned to glare at Remus "-why'd you put the spell on her chair? You agreed to get Slughorn."

"Must have put the spell on the wrong chair," Remus said. "I could've sworn it was his."

"Slughorn sits on the other end of the table," Peter pointed out.

"Does he?"

"Yes," Sirius said, "and judging by your overly innocent expression, you did Minnie's chair on purpose. Remus, it's your fault that Minnie is upset with me! How could you, Remus? Now our marriage is going to suffer-"

"You're not married," Peter said.

"-and what if she never wants to speak to me again?" Sirius looked comically distraught, so much so that James burst out laughing, which earned him a "How could you, James? I thought you would be concerned for me and Minnie? You traitor!" from Sirius.

James, still laughing, opened his mouth to make a comment, but instead yelped as Sirius drenched him in soapy water. "Hey!"

"That's what you get for not supporting me when I need it," Sirius said solemnly, then turned and dumped the rest of the bucket on Remus' head. "And that's for putting me in the situation where I need support."

James and Remus shared a look. And then chaos ensued.

When McGonagall came to check on the boys' progress and send them to bed, she found the Owlery more messy than when she had sent them off to clean. There was water everywhere, and most of the owls had taken refuge on the highest perches. She looked at the boys.

All four of them were drenched, Peter the least, James the most. Sirius had soap in his hair, which he was complaining about dramatically to Remus, who looked vaguely amused by the whole situation.

She flicked her wand and the water vanished. "Do you as fourth years still need your detentions to be supervised?" McGonagall said briskly, watching them from the doorway.

The boys' heads snapped towards her.

"Not unless you're supervising, Minnie!" Sirius said enthusiastically. "You aren't still mad at me, are you? I-"

She quieted him with a look. "What you four did was extremely irresponsible," she said. "A far less lenient head of house might have gone to the headmaster to expel you."

Remus paled slightly.

"Irresponsible as it was," McGonagall said, "it was a complex bit of transfiguration. I am impressed that you managed it. Please, however, save that level of proficiency for lessons, and not the Great Hall."

They nodded.

"Good. Now off to your dormitory."

The boys hurried off, leaving McGonagall in the Owlery. "Merlin, let them never grow old," she muttered, "but at least let them grow a bit of maturity."

That weekend, the Slytherin was playing Hufflepuff. James and Sirius opted to watch the game for the sole purpose of antagonizing the Slytherins by sitting in their section and applauding whenever they made a particularly spectacular blunder. Peter and Remus opted to stay behind, not particularly wanting to get hexed.

When Sirius and James returned, they were, much to Peter and Remus' surprise, unscathed except for James' hair, which was sticking straight up as though he had been electrocuted (it didn't really make much of a difference, considering how much James' hair stuck up on its own), as Sirius' eyebrows, which seemed to have been singed off.

"We lasted longer than I thought we would," Sirius said when they got back.

"Probably because Snivellus and his greasy friends weren't there," James said. "Neither were Nott, Rosier, or Macnair. They had their reserves out."

"Probably skived off to hex some first year," Sirius shrugged. "Say, Remus, do you know any spells that would make eyebrows grow back?"

Remus pulled out his wand to fix Sirius' eyebrows, while James said, "So, remember how we have Prince on the list?"

"You still haven't shown Remus or I the list," Peter said.

"We haven't? Sirius, where's your History of Magic book?"

"It might be under my bed," Sirius offered. "Or under Peter's bed. Or on the floor. Or-"

"Did you lose the list?"

"No, just my History book."

"Your History of Magic textbook is right there," Remus said, pointing at Sirius' trunk, where the Book had been stuffed hastily, still open.

"Thanks, Moony! Now it's not lost!" Sirius said, grabbing it. He flipped to the inside cover. "There it is: the list."

_x __Make Slytherin dorm inaccessible_

_\- Annoy Prince_

_\- Teach quality hair care to Snivellus_

_X __Turn Snivellus into a bat because he's a vampire_

_\- Steal Moody's eye and replace it with a fake_

_\- Fill Charms classroom with bubbles_

_\- Replace the desks in Minnie's room with flamingos_

_\- Dye Dumble's beard with color changing dye_

_\- Replace all the writing in the library books with the words _'_will you marry me,_ _Minnie?'_ '_Will you go out with me, Lily Evans?'_ '_Will you marry me, Minnie?'_

_\- Break into the Ravenclaw common room and make everything red and gold_

"This is the list?" Remus said.

"Yeah." James read through it quickly. "It's got all the best- hey! It's supposed to be 'will you go out with me, Lily Evans?' not 'will you marry me, Minnie'!"

"It clearly says Minnie, so evidently not," Sirius said.

"You crossed it out!" James said.

"Well, you crossed what I wrote out first!"

"Because my idea was better!"

"No, it wasn't!"

"I thought it was supposed to be in an order," Peter said.

"Yeah, but then Halloween came before we could get to Prince or helping Snivellus with his hair," James said, "so we had to do it ahead of time. But now we're on Prince, and I was thinking that we could combine annoying Prince with asking Evans out."

Remus stared at him. "You want to annoy Prince by changing the text in all the library books to ask Lily out?"

"Yeah!" Sirius said, "only, the books are going to ask Minnie to marry me, not ask Evans out."

"No, it's going to ask Evans out," James insisted.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue.

"A spell like that will take time to find," Remus said.

"No it won't," Peter said. "We used one like it last year on Hestia."

"We did?" Sirius said.

"Peter's right. The dinosaur," James said.

"Oh, right. Well, then we can't do it, since we'd just be repeating ourselves," Sirius said.

"This time it's on a much bigger scale, and anyway, Hestia's the only one who knows we did it."

"We'll have to do some type of mirror spell," Remus mused. "It would be impossible to do them all individually."

"How come? It'd take longer for the teachers to remove it individually," said Sirius.

"We would get caught before we could get through everything," said Remus.

"Good point," James nodded. "Can we find any spells like that?"

"We'll see," Remus said. "I think I know what section to look in, but it might take some time to find a spell that will do exactly what we want it to."

"Then let's start looking," Sirius said. "We've got approximately-" he paused to think "-seven hours before the library closes. I bet we can find it before then."

Remus gave him a pointed look. "_We_ will not be doing anything until you two are done with your homework."

"But Scio's essay isn't due until Monday, neither is Binns'!" James said.

"And Kettleburn's isn't until Wednesday," Sirius added.

"We have detention every night for the next two weeks," Remus said.

"So?"

"So we should finish them to make sure that they aren't turned in late."

"But Remus-"

"Do you want to start with Divination, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic, or Potions?"

There was a bit of complaining, but eventually they sat down and pulled out their essays. parchment and quills.

Though James and Sirius wouldn't admit it, Remus had had a point. Between detention, classes, James' quidditch practices, and meals, there wasn't much time for homework. The Marauders had long established that McGonagall knew detention wouldn't keep them from continuing to make mischief, so it seemed that she had decided to keep them busy- too busy to plot.

To some extent, it seemed to be working. Remus was the only one who had managed to do any research on the spell they would need, though not much at that. All he had managed to find were examples of it being used, not the spell itself. It was a week before they had incantation to practice with.

_Speculum reflectio_ing the library would be more difficult than they had thought. The spell itself was slightly challenging on small amounts of objects. Mirroring to an entire library would be even harder.

"There's no way we can do the whole library," Peter said.

"Not anytime soon," Remus agreed.

"What if we just did one section?" James offered. "Evans is in the charms section a lot. She'd definitely see it if we did it there."

"It doesn't matter if Evans sees it," Sirius said. "Minnie is the one I'm proposing to. So we should do it in the transfiguration section."

"Evans-"

"The list says Minnie, and that's what we're doing."

"Evans is on there too!"

"It's crossed out, so we're doing Minnie."

"But-"

"If you two don't decide on one of them, then I'll have them ask Snape out," Remus said.

An agreement was quickly reached.

The night after the spells had been perfected, the Marauders snuck out to the library, where they headed for the charms section. Sirius grumbled almost the whole way there, stopping only after they narrowly avoided a run in with Peeves.

It took them all of four hours to get through the charms section. By the time they made it back to the Common Room, it was around two thirty in the morning.

None of them were quite sure of the exact amount of time before Lily saw what had occurred in the charms section. James had bet that she would see it in the afternoon. Sirius has betted the same thing, along with the addition that she would hex James. Remus made the bet the she wouldn't see it- she'd hear about it first. Peter decided to be smart, and stay out of the gambling.

It was on the way to Divination when Lily came up to the boys.

"Hey, Evans!" James said cheerfully.

"I overheard some sixth years talking," Lily said coolly. "Something about someone asking me out by wrecking the books in the charms section."

"They're not wrecked, there's just a spell put over them," Sirius said, grinning.

"So, did you come here to say yes and go out with me?" James asked happily.

"No," Lily said.

Sirius began chanting "hex him, hex him," under his breath.

Lily stared at him.

"If you do, I get a galleon," Sirius explained.

"Lucky you, then," Lily said dryly, pulling out her wand. "_Calvorio_!"

The effect was immediate. James' hair began falling out. He gave a shout as he felt his head, which quickly became hairless.

"I'm bald!" James wailed.

"I'm a galleon richer!" Sirius crowed.

"How do I get it back? I can't exist like this!"

"Well, learn to live with it," Lily said. "And stop asking me out." With that, she walked off.

"Pomfrey can set it right," Sirius said. He coughed, which sounded suspiciously like a laugh. "Come on, mate."

James and Sirius made their way to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey grudgingly set James hair right, muttering about hair not being an emergency worth going to the Hospital Wing for.

"I'll pay you after classes," James grumbled.

"Brilliant- damn!" Sirius exclaimed.

"What?" said James.

"We owe Remus."

James swore. "You're right. You'd think that we'd have learned not to bet against him after first year."

"Yeah. We don't learn very well, do we?"

"No, we really don't."


End file.
